Single Parenting

Disclaimer: This post is a little graphic in places.

It’s funny, anytime anyone complains around here I am SO quick to quip: “God only gives you as much as you can handle.” I had to be reminded of this today.

My husband is gone for 4 weeks for work….and I know families do this ALL the time but we’ve never been apart for more than 5 or 6 days…..AND Mr. LBB does a substantial amount of the work around here to help me out. He makes breakfast for Boo every morning and takes her to school and he puts her to bed at night. He also takes care of Diesel and does most of the household chores.

Let me be clear, I’m not complaining,……but so much has happened recently, including the death of my father, it’s almost become comical. If I seem a little loopy or off the wall lately here’s why:

1. Someone took Boo’s precious blankie from her school.

It was so devastating to her that I launched a FULL SCALE investigation over the course of a week: Blankie-gate.  In a moment of pure insanity I even contemplated bringing the police into it. Boo and I made flyers and posted them everywhere at her school:

 

Reward for Blankie via lilblueboo.com

Guess what. It worked. The blankie was returned the day after the flyers were posted.

 

2. I’ve had to deal with the aftermath of a miscarriage.

Mentally I’ve been okay….physically not so much. The worst of which was losing about a pint of blood in a fast food restaurant wearing tiny white shorts. I felt like I was in a trauma scene from a Lifetime movie. My first thought: I should have worn that awesome disposable underwear the hospital gave me as a parting gift. But it gets worse….the doctor told me I was to bring any tissue my body passed in so they could send it to the lab for testing.  Public restrooms are my worst nightmare……and I had to reach my hand INTO that public toilet to save who knows what. I spent 30 minutes scrubbing my hand raw…and thinking of all the diseases the lab was going to find in MY tissue that was from the PUBLIC toilet.  During the whole episode I had these flashbacks to when I was about 6 or 7 and my mother had a bleeding accident with white shorts and she was ushering my brother, sister and I through a Sears store to get the ladies room as quick as she could.  I clearly remember hanging back about 30 feet….so embarrassed and hoping that no one would think that I was with her. I remember her looking so sad and flustered as she tried to clean herself up as much as she could while trying to wrangle two toddlers. I felt so bad about that for so long. Now I know how she felt.

 

 

3. I had to go into surgery for a D&C.

Let’s just say the surgery was the easy part. The hard part was coordinating logistics for getting me to and from the hospital and supervision for Boo. Not only was my husband out of town, but my inlaws were out of town too. I have a hard time asking for help and even contemplated a taxi so I wouldn’t have to ask anyone for a ride. It worked out though……Gicela kept Sienna for me, Lisa dropped me off for surgery and made sure I was admitted okay. My sister-in-law Carolyn picked me up and stayed with Boo and I until we fell asleep that night.

I’m not the greatest patient either. I threw a hissy fit when they said I couldn’t eat the night before….my surgery was at 4:30pm…..that means I should be able to eat up until 4:30am!  That doesn’t seem fair! I spent 30 minutes negotiating and they finally gave in when I told them that I would DIE if I had to go that long without eating. Oh, and they forgot to tell me that I was supposed to eat only clear liquids for 48 hours before…..“Does McDonalds count as clear liquids? Because I just had a bacon, egg and cheese biscuit on my way to this appointment.” I was granted an exception there too.

 

 

4. Late last night, Boo was admitted into the hospital for what they thought was appendicitis.

It turns out it is probably something viral and she’s okay. But it was the icing on my manure-cake for the week.

In the hospital, when they were talking about keeping us overnight all I could think was:

I’ve left every light on in the house.
The dog hasn’t been fed.
I have no clothes and I haven’t eaten in 8 hours.
I have a doctor’s appointment in the morning for my surgery follow up.
I’m so tired I might throw up…..even though my stomach is eating itself from hunger.


Single Parenting Lil Boo via lilblueboo.com

There were a few funny quotes from Boo in her fever delirium:

Can you please put the popcorn in the refrigerator?
Remember when it was the first day of the world?
I tooted on Papa.
Remember when I was a baby and I threw up in your hands? That was hilarious.

Thank God for my father-in-law who is a doctor at the hospital and was able to help the process along. At 11pm, I was sitting in the drive-through as the Walgreen’s pharmacist was filling prescriptions for Boo, I told him I would just be taking a short nap until he was finished.

Shortly afterwards, I climbed into the bed next to Boo ready to collapse and the next thing I know her temperature was back up to 104.  I think I slept about two hours total last night.

Tomorrow is the last day I have a chance to drive to L.A. to pick up the rest of the fabric we need for the clothing line so I can get our fall styles finished before I leave for a trip with Boo to see my mother. It’s not the fabric that’s a big deal….it’s that I have employees that depend on me for work and I have to make sure they are taken care of.   And with poor Boo sick…..whoever can watch her tomorrow will have to give her rectal suppositories for fever reduction.  That’s a hard thing to ask non-family members to do.  Thank God for Lisa who is so sweet and understanding…..I know she’ll do what she has to. (Lisa you better show up for work tomorrow haha!)

 

 

Lastly…..

5. A lady flipped me off for no reason in a parking lot because I was driving too slow….and after ALL the other things….THAT made me cry.

 

NOW, let me count my blessings and say how much I think single parents should be praised and appreciated. I now know it is the hardest job in the world. Even the littlest things, like running to the store to get medicine for your sick child, can become a huge ordeal because you can’t just run out.

So….

If anyone else out there is feeling exhausted, overwhelmed and like they are at their limit…..remember God DOES only give us as much as we can handle. It’s all manageable and will work out.  And if you happen to see someone that might be having a hard time…..or losing it……don’t judge, ask them if they are okay or maybe just give them a smile.  There’s no telling what they might be going through that particular day. And to the lady who flipped me off in the car……I’m sorry you were having a bad day too.

 

So have heart.... quote via lilblueboo.comImage Source

 

Comments

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

Comments

  1. 1
    Solina says:

    So sorry for your loss. I hope your hubby returns soon and things go smoother from now on.

  2. 2

    Oh Ashley…you sweet sweet girl…this post was wonderful (not because of your yucky few weeks, but because you shared them with us)…I sure hope the next few weeks are easier for you and your darling family…;)

  3. 3
    Jennifer Hernandez says:

    This touched me! My very heart is breaking for you right now, you seem like such a beautiful person. God Bless you and for a person like yourself, things are going to be turning into a huge rainbow very soon after this horrible storm.
    Hugs,
    XOXO
    Jen

  4. 4

    Oh my goodness……I so wish I was near to help you. If you need anything blog wise, let me know.

  5. 5
    kathy says:

    This post melts my heart. I thought I was dealing with rough situations but I am on a bed of roses compared to your week. You really need to slow down and allow the healing to go on. Sorry but to heck with the fall line, it can be late. You are your boss and you would understand if someone else need to take a break. Please, please take care. I hope you get to your mom’s soon. You need and deserve some mothering, with a capital M. love, kathy

  6. 6
    Nancy says:

    I remember when my husband was deployed. I was left alone with a 3-month old boy. It was very tough not having him around! I was scared in my house, I had a hard time sleeping, and I remember this one night when my head started to hurt VERY bad and my son was screaming and crying, and everyone I called didn’t answer (it was midnight). I thought I was going to die! I just rocked my son to sleep as tears were running down my cheeks. And that was only the first MONTH! I know exactly how you feel right now! And God will give you the strength that you need to go through these! Also, anticipate that there’s going to be an adjustment period, even through it’s only for a short period of time that your husband is gone, there is ALWAYS that time that you need to adjust again. It took my husband and I about 3 months of readjusting.

    Be strong, and know that God is always there! :)

  7. 7
    iza says:

    i’m sorry you had such a hard week, and i know its hard to remember that God knows our limits and won’t let us go beyond what we can handle.. i like how you turned all the poopiness of your week and changed it into a prayer of thanks.. this woman stopped me in a marshalls as i was shopping with my daughter… we have a game where i pretend to cry and she comforts me and then surprises me so i cry again.. she thinks its hilarious.. this total stranger came up and asked me if i was alright.. she said she heard me from across the store and wanted to see if i was ok.. she told me why.. a few months before she was having a hard time and someone had asked her if she was ok and stayed to talk and comfort her.. she wanted to help me since it seemed i was having hard time too.. i felt bad for reminding her of that moment, but it was so nice to be comforted even though i didn’t need it… i’m not the most outgoing person, but things like what you wrote and experienced and the woman in marshall’s, makes me want to extend myself more to those who might need it.. even someone who might not want it, like that person who flipped you off…

  8. 8
    Megan says:

    Single mom here…. I love you! Big hugs. Hope you and boo are feeling better soon.

  9. 9
    Ashley says:

    Girl, you just gave me the smack on the bum I needed this week. Not that you were trying to do that, but I need to stop having a pity party for myself.

    My husband just started his family medicine residency last Wednesday, and has work 100 hours in the past 7 days. It was quite a shock to the system, since he basically had 5 months with little or nothing to do with the end of med school and the downtime between graduation and residency. But my life has been cake compared to what you’ve just described.

    You are a strong woman and I admire you. Hope everything gets easier on you asap!

  10. 10
    amber levinson says:

    Aw.. That all was horrible :( But I am glad you made it through! I am sure you are looking forward to that trip to see your mom! I hope you all recover quickly and your husband comes home soon! I have been a single parent before, and here there when hubby is deployed so we have been through it! Even being married I feel like I may lose it some days… Living in alaska being stuck in the house all the time takes it toll on everyone here!

  11. 11
    Kim says:

    My friend posted a quote from Mother Teresa this week that seems a little fitting “I know God won’t give me anything I can’t handle. I just wish He didn’t trust me so much.” Continuing to lift you up in prayer.

    • 12
      Lori says:

      Love that Mother Teresa quote! I have a plaque on my wall with it!! It’s a great reminder every day that God is with us through all of our struggles. Just like the Footprints poem. It is in our toughest moments, that when we see only one set of footprints in the sand, it isn’t because God abandons us, but rather that it is then that He carries us. :)

  12. 13
    Crystal says:

    I just wanted to let you know I was having a simi-bad day/week and this really helped me. Sometimes it just takes a little reminder that we can handle whatever is thrown at us. My husband is in the Marine Corps and is gone a lot for months at a time and I feel your pain. Its super hard going from a two parent household to just one. You are so tough! :)

  13. 14
    Meg says:

    :( Nothing anyone says is going to take back what has happened. I know from personal experience just how bad all that can be. Lucky for you and the rest of us it does get better. Just keep on keeping on. When I was 3 months pregnant, on bedrest, blood thinners so I would not have another miscarriage, and un-employed, I left my bi-polar schizophrenic husband. That was THE best decision I have ever made in my life. No matter how hard it has been since I just keep on thinking about my motto that it ALWAYS gets better. Even if that better doesn’t come until the next week. -hugs-

  14. 15
    Leah says:

    I’m so glad I stopped by here to read this. I was having such a horrible day yesterday that I crawled into bed last night and cried myself to sleep. Your comments here really put things in perspective for me. I’m sorry for your family’s loss, but I’m so glad you shared this. Thank you.
    *Isn’t it interesting how God can use a total stranger’s blog to speak to you?

  15. 16
    Megan says:

    My heart is breaking for you on so many levels. firstly I am so sorry about your loss. I had a miscairage a few years ago before my husband and I got married and it was so devastating. I had JUST told my mom who i was terrified to tell. I was only 17 and was not married yet I told her the night before I had it. I was so ashamed. I can also relate about the blanket. My daughter has this pink and green blanket and she can not LIVE without. She has had it since the day she was born. Well 3 weeks ago at church someone took her blanket home. 3 of the little girls in her class have the same-ish blanket. Which you can tell all 3 of them apart. 1 is alot smaller then the other 2 and then my daughters is softer then the other little girls. My daughters blanket also had her name on it. I ended up having to take the one blanket home becuase we would have not made it to the car before her meltdown started. That next sunday i talked to the other mom about it and she told me that no its not my daughters and she is not giving me back the balnket, even though we both know its my daughters. Why would she want MY daughters blanket that has been used DAILY for 2 1/2 years? Why would she not want her daughter? makes no since. We had to go buy my daughter a new one cause i was not going to let her use some other girls blanket. But you are right, God gives us what we can handle and in the end it makes us stronger. Many prayers for your family!
    -Megan

  16. 17
    Theresa says:

    First…HUGS!! You have had a rough week, and I totally get what you are saying about single parenting. I have been doing it for years, every Monday-Thursday and sometimes more. Four broken bones, 3 surgeries for the girls, homeschooling, one who is special needs, no family around…you get the idea. And, I have not always had the correct perspective that you do. You have done very well inspite of it all…Boo and your hubby are blessed to have you! :)

  17. 18
    Donna says:

    Hugs! You are doing great so just hang in there. I’m a single mom of 3 year old twins and love what you had to say – thank you!

  18. 19
    Jesy says:

    That was totally my boyfriend minus the lady sections before we got together a little over 4 years ago, little Ms R is now 5… My sister too before she met her amazing husband she has now.. I have the most respect and admiration for single parents and their families.. It’s amazing hard it canbe yet satisfying for the parents to know they can do anything if they can raise a child alone.. I think that’s why my boyfriends afraid of marriage and doesn’t know if her really wants another kid.. He knows how hard it was without me, I didn’t take over but I help lift that weight off his bending shoulders.. Which was a blessing to me because his daughter is amazing. Boo reminds me of her a lot! Hang in there, keeping u in my thoughts for a brighter day tomorrow!

  19. 20
    Jody V says:

    Oh my! You have had a full plate this year, praying things get better for you. I saw something on Pinterest “you only find out how strong you are when you have to be” something like that! You are one amazing lady!

  20. 21
    Courtney says:

    Oh my, I can relate to this post on so many many levels.
    If it makes you feel any better (or at least less alone) I had a miscarriage just over a year ago – in an airplane somewhere between chicago and Ohio, while flying by myself, with my three year old daughter, after what was supposed to be a 2.5 hour layover in Chicago turned into a 5.5 hour layover in chicago, then spent the next three weeks apart from my husband and away from home with my daughter, staying at my parents house.

    Life really does have a way of taxing you to your very very very last point, and then pushing just a little bit more. But you are right, God is right there with you, He will be the one to see you through it all, and catch your tears when you just can’t hold them back anymore.

    Please know that you have friends, ALL OVER THE WORLD that love you, pray for you, and want you to be well.

  21. 22
    Holly says:

    Oh honey, you have been having such a hard time lately! As a single parent, I know the struggle of trying to juggle it all. You have been so brave and strong, let those folks around you help, it makes them feel good, ya know? It’s always darkest before the dawn and I hope your sunrise gets here soon!

  22. 23
    Amy Bayliss says:

    Ashley,

    (((BIG hugs))) to you and Boo. What you are doing right now is hard. Your hormones are all over the place and you are facing it all with the hubby gone. Just know that you rock, girlfriend and anytime you need to virtually “cry on our shoulder” then we are here for you. We will listen (or read) and encourage as much as we can. I hope Boo is feeling better. I think two of my kiddos have that same virus.

  23. 24
    Mr. LBB says:

    I love you and miss you and Boo more than you will ever know. I wish I was home to be there for the both of you, and will be soon. XOXO! I am the most blessed man on the face of the Earth. Thank you fro saying yes!

  24. 25

    So sad to read all that you have been through, especially the miscarriage and D & C. My first pregnancy turned that direction and it was a difficult load to bear-without all the rest that you are managing as well. Praying for you and Boo and your husband-that God will use these losses and challenges to draw you to Himself and reward you with a closeness to Christ that far outweighs all the challenge and loss. And mourning with you too, over the loss of that precious baby. Thank you for sharing your life and its realities with us.

  25. 26
    Randi says:

    I’m so sorry you’ve had so much going on. My husband travels a lot and I know how hard it is to deal with the out-of-the-norm things. We’ve had emergency surgeries, broken bones, stitches, and other incidents to deal with when he’s been out of town and it all seems just a bit worse when you have to do it alone. Praying that Boo is better quickly and that you have time to rest and rejuvenate.

  26. 27
    Amanda says:

    The biggest hugs to you and Boo. I think you both deserve a wonderful relaxing weekend.

  27. 28
    Harmony says:

    I’m so very sorry you have had to deal with this, but to do so while your hubby is out of town. I wanted to send you an email after reading about the miscarriage but I had a hard time formulating what I wanted to say. I have been there with the miscarriage. Once for sure, twice unconfirmed. It is not easy physically or mentally. Even if you know everything happens for a reason, and that there is a plan. Just know that you aren’t really alone. You have wonderful friends by your side, not just work mates. That much is obvious. You also have us. Your loyal readers/fans/supporters/encouragers/cheerleaders/__________ <— a blank for whatever you need us to be right then. Single parents do have it hard. So do parents who are together but have to be apart for whatever reason. Even just completely mismatched schedules can make life enormously difficult when it cones to caring for children.
    From the outside looking in you have been handling everything with stupendous grace under pressure. You are far stronger and more capable than you give yourself credit for. If you weren't, you would have cracked a while ago.
    I'm sorry I wrote a book. And I hope everything gets better extremely quickly.

  28. 29
    Tiffany says:

    I wanted to read this as a single parent of one sweet little girl. Reading you loss made my heart brake! This past month has been like one mountain after the other. First, my cousin at 34 years old lost his 2nd fight to cancer. The following week, my best friend lost her second baby. This friend means more to me than most anyone, Then the following week after that, my niece was born with Arthrogryposis ( a muscle and bone disease) The doctors thought she may not even make it past the first year. To top it off they believed she had neurological problems. The whole time through it all, I felt tough. I kept saying that God knows what he is doing, and no matter what, He would take care of it all. One person asking how the baby was, and I broke down. I could not handle it anymore. At church a few moments later the band sang “Healing is in your hands” I knew that God was saying that He heals, and He would take it all. God never gives us more than we can handle. Even when we think we can handle no more. “Don’t tell God how big your mountain is. Tell your mountain how big your GOD is” I love that saying. I say it to myself when I feel like I cannot take anymore, and God picks me right back up. Thank you so much for this!

  29. 30
    Crafty Mom says:

    Oh Ashley! You’ve been through SO much these past couple of months. To have Mr. LBB gone makes it all that much harder to bear. Huge hugs to you and Boo. I hope you have a restful night and a safe drive to LA.

  30. 31
    Lindsey says:

    When it rains, it pours. I know just how it goes.. My husband is military & is frequently away & when we goes there is inevitably blood stool, or fevers or cayenne pepper in the eyes.. Hang in there. And I’m very sorry you had to experience a miscarriage & a D&C I had that experience a year & a half ago & it threw me. Hope you heal well & fast.

  31. 32

    Sorry life has been so tough on you lately. I wish I could help. Your strength though is amazing!

  32. 33
    KellyK says:

    I am a single parent to a 4 year old boy & a 4.5 year old English bulldog. We just got back from the emergency vet & then my kiddo found a wasp on the floor. I am currently lying on the bed taking one of my sons breathing treatments my allergies are so bad. But you beat me…by a lot!!

  33. 34
    Elizabeth says:

    Well I started crying when reading your post then laughing when it came to your daughters delerious sayings and almost back to crying, hope things get better! Life can be rough but I always look at my kids and know I am blessed! Take care.

  34. 35
    Amber says:

    Ashley, my thoughts are with you and Boo. I was a single Mom until 3 years ago when my wonderful husband and I got together. I remember just a few weeks before that I was on my own with my 4 year old after her birthday party, when I started feeling really sick. For 2 days, that I don’t really remember, my little one tried to take care of me while we waited for my Mom to get back from an out of town trip. I had pneumonia and to this day whenever I think of it all I can think of is what could have happened to my Little Miss. Warm healing thoughts / energy are being sent your way (((HUGS))) to you and Boo.

  35. 36
    Shannon says:

    Oh Ashley, thank you for posting this. You sharing this brought me tremendous comfort as I wrestled through my own battles this last month really becoming a single mother and moving at the speed of grace.
    Apparently the lady who flipped you off was moving at a pace of chaos. I would have cried too. I wish she could read this!

  36. 37
    Amy V says:

    You’re AMAZING and such an inspiration! Thank you for sharing your “manure cake” with us. Sometimes it’s good to hear that other people have them too! Safe travels tomorrow!

  37. 38
    Jade A says:

    Big healing hugs for you and for Boo. I think sometimes the absolute bravest thing you can do is just keep breathing. Hugs from the Angel girls in Texas.

  38. 39

    I can’t even believe this post; I thought I had a bad week! I love your positive perspective in the end and your advice. I remember a really bad day at the library when both my kids lost it and were screaming. I carried them both to the car on my hips and buckled them in only to see an older woman (without kids) staring me down like I was a bad mother. I might have been a bit sensitive but I rolled my window down and yelled “Can I help you??” in my anger. Perhaps she was just waiting for a moment to offer help. Maybe she was judging me. Doesn’t matter. LOVE this post.

  39. 40
    Danielle says:

    ((HUGE HUGS))

    I know every bit of what you’re talking about! As a military wife, I’ve been there and done every part of that. One of my miscarriages took place while my husband was away on orders for 3 months. I was lucky this his older brother and a friend of theirs had moved in with us to give a hand as we were alternating being gone for months at a time. It’s tough to ask for help in those super-personal situations, and even tougher when the only shoulder you want to cry/lean on is hundreds of miles away. Just know you’re not alone and that there are many of us out here who understand, who have been there, and who are thinking of and praying for you!

  40. 41
    LK says:

    I was so sad for you when I first read of your miscarriage, but to know you had to go through it without your husband – I can’t imagine. I hope life will mellow out for you.

  41. 42
    Becca says:

    Laughing and crying as I read this! All I could think as I read this was that your precious dad was watching you from heaven go through all this and I am sure he is so proud of you!

  42. 43
    Autumn says:

    Hang in there!

  43. 44
    Alice says:

    This is exactly what I needed to hear. My husband started a job that requires him to travel Mon- Thurs. I have 2 girls and it’s been hard on me because I have felt so overwhelmed. Thanks for putting things in a better perspective for me and to trust God in the midst of it all. I think this time away will help us appreciate what wonderful husbands we have and all they do. Hope you are feeling better because after reading this post I know I am. Thank you for sharing :)

  44. 45
    Vanessa Lundblad says:

    Ashley and Boo,

    I am praying for you and Boo. It’s not easy when your help mate is gone. I know that feeling all to well, but God does give you the grace to do all things. Remember to take time for yourself and with your family and in time the lost of your dad will get better. This November will be two yrs. I lost my father. It’s never easy, but God gives you the strength to get through it.

    Blessing,
    Vanessa

  45. 46
    Monique says:

    Oh, Ashley. I cried, I sympathized and I laughed with you. I admire your ability to express yourself and your ability to share with us all that you have been through. I shall have you and Boo in my prayers for continued strength, courage and good health. Also, I will think twice the next time I grumble about a driver on the road. (((HUGS)))

  46. 47
    Sabina says:

    Hey Ashley,XXXXX !! these hugs come to you all the way from India, and I had to take this moment to tell you that you really are a HUGE inspiration to me. I am a textile designer running my own studio, have employees that depend on me, and have a 2 1/2 yr old and a 6 mth old. We do have the luxury of maids here, and yet there are days when I bury myself in a mountain of “how much can I handle?” stress. I lost my Dad a month before my wedding and though I was externally strong right through everything, I now do know that it takes nothing but time to heal from a loss like that. Give yourself some time off, take a blog break, no one will complain. We will miss you for sure, but really, I for one totally understand. God bless you, and bless you some more. You are nothing short of AMAZING!

  47. 48
    kirstin says:

    Awww, buddy, I can’t believe all of this. I’m so sorry about the miscarriage (and all of the other CRAZINESS). All at once? Oh my!
    Adam never goes out of town for any length of time, but he’s been in Guatamala for the last couple weeks doing medical relief work. And OH MY GOODNESS- this single parent stuff is for the birds. How do people do this???
    And I haven’t had any of the crazy hospital, lady flipping me off in the parking lot stuff that you’ve had. I’m so sorry! I wish we lived in the same town so we could single parent it up together. :)

  48. 49
    Sharon says:

    You, my dear… You amaze me. I don’t know you, but I am so very proud of you! Thank you for this very real post. Your faith, grace and dignity are so apparent in all your posts… You and your family are in my prayers.

  49. 50
    Ashley J. says:

    You know what gets me? “Remember when it was the first day of the world?”
    …Maybe she did remember. Next time something like that comes up, ask her about it!

    I can’t believe how stupid I’ve been. Thank you so much for writing this. You’ve touched many hearts today. Thank you, Ashley. I don’t want to say that I’m sorry for all that you’ve been through, you’ve heard so much of that lately, and it would be making me sick by now. I know things will get better, you’re an amazing person, and an amazing mother! Hope your hubby comes back soon.

  50. 51
    Tammy O. says:

    Oh Ashley…(((((HUGS))))) to you and Boo. To Mr. LBB, that was a sweet message! Remember Ashley…”Choose Joy” – Things will be better in the morning ;o)

  51. 52
    zhing says:

    oh im so sorry to hear! *hugs* it will get better! you’re an amazing parent and you have such strength and beauty in your heart!!

  52. 53
    Holly says:

    ….and welcome to the life of a military wife ;-)

  53. 54
    LIzelle says:

    Thanks for sharing and I hope that today will be just fabulous for you! xx

  54. 55
    Karen Cole says:

    I needed that–thank you!

  55. 56
    Adrianna says:

    Ashley, You are so awesome & thanks for this!!! I believe the same thing. God only gives us as much as we can handle, at least that’s what I tell myself when I have times like you! Get better Sienna & hurry back Mr. LBB!

    Ashley, thanks for everything you do. you inspire me in so many ways, including trying to be a better person, for me & my family!

    XOXO

  56. 57
    Kati says:

    Hugs to you and Boo!

  57. 58
    Shay says:

    i think you and Boo need big hugs! -sending love and hugs your way- =)

  58. 59
    Tawny says:

    Everything seems so much tougher to cope with when hubby is away. And especially since you had so many rough things to deal with. *hugs* from a stranger who feels your pain and is sending all the good vibes she can muster up your way.

  59. 60
    Mandy says:

    Wow Ashley, I have had more than my fair share of those kind of weeks and I know how draining they can be. I’m a single mom to three and when their dad left during my third pregnancy I thought I’d die, but 8 years later, I have finally come to the realization that God trusted me double duty and I CAN handle it. You definitely handled it with grace. Did you really only cry one time? :) Hope your hubby comes home soon and life gets back to normal for you!

  60. 61
    Mindy says:

    You have certainly been faced with many challenges. I don’t know that I could keep as positive as you. But, yes, I agree that God only gives us what He knows we can handle. Sending prayers to comfort you. And although I don’t know you-I’m still sending a big old bear hug your way!

  61. 62

    Bless you!

    -There is nothing more scary than hopping into bed with your child and they feel hot as fire to the touch!

    -Good thing you got “blankie” back for the hospital trip.

    -I love when I have reminders of how much my husband and I are a team! I agree that I don’t know how single mommas do it! It makes you want to go and find one and HELP her!

  62. 63
    anna says:

    oh ashley, I’m tearing up. Gosh, life is so hard sometimes. Seems like there’s no reason why things happen the way they do, when they do. And thank God for your grace, and to be thinking of other at a difficult time in your life. It really shows what kind of person you are. Thank you.

  63. 64
    ira lee says:

    bless your heart!!!!! im sorry for all the trouble and the loss of little baby. even though i only READ your blog, i feel close to you and blue. :( i wish there were something all us viral friends could do for you!!! it will get better!!

  64. 65

    Oh Ashley! i just want to run over there, give you a big hug, bring you dinner and watch Boo for you while you nap and finish up whatever you need to do even though I have only ever met you but once ;) HA!

    So sorry for the string of bad events you have had – it’s GOT to go up from here right??? :)

    HUGS!!!!

  65. 66
    Jamie Olander says:

    Thank you for sharing. I am very sorry for your losses! This post actually helped me as well. Take care!

  66. 67
    Jennifer says:

    *hugs* I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through all of this. I really do wish I could give you a hug! I’m sure you have encouraged people with this post; we all have our days. It sounds like you’ve just had a lot of them lately. Saying a prayer for you and Boo. “I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me.” – Philippians 4:13

  67. 68
    caralyn says:

    Take it from a full-time single momma:: Honey, you’d have more than the lion’s share of hurt lately. Even those of us who do it with three in tow and no help don’t always come through it with the grace, beauty and self-deprecating humor that you seem to have in spades. It may sound oddball coming from a complete stranger (who follows your blog..) but I said a prayer for you today. Hang in there, sweetpea.

  68. 69
    Katie Bishop says:

    You are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Your site is always a source of inspiration for me, and today is no different.

    We lost a baby four years ago and the depth of pain is so immense. I will be praying for you all over the next several weeks.

    I cling to Psalm 34:18 “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.”

  69. 70
    Natasha says:

    im so sorry to hear that you are going through. will keep you in my prayers. but your words of wisdom really brought my spirits up this morning. so i wanted to say thank you.

  70. 71
    Jennifer says:

    Oh Ashley, I’m so sorry. Here’s to hoping that this week was “One of those weeks”. It’s not quite the same but one time my husband and I were at the mall, when I was 37 Weeks PG with my oldest I took a sip of pop that went down the wrong tube, it got me coughing so hard that I ended up getting sick ( I tried catching it too), all over the floor in the mall. I was mortified and I’m pretty sure I scared the 4, 16 year old girls that walked by from ever having babies. My sweet husband swept me into the ladies room whipped off one of his t-shirts so me to changed into and went and found someone to clean up the floor and the get a bag.

    Drive safe to L.A. and when you get to your moms, drink a coke, eat some doughnuts, and take a nap! My husband was gone (only for a week) not too long ago too I know the feeling. And I respect single parents so much more.

  71. 72
    Jennifer P says:

    Oh honey, I’m so sorry. For everything big and small, and sometimes it is the small things that are the last straw. All the best for you and your family, and surviving until you are all together again.

  72. 73
    phalloeun says:

    Oh Ashley, I am so sorry you are having such a tough time. Soon your husband will be back, soon you will feel better, soon your daughter will be better. I wish there was something I could do for you. I will pray that God holds you gingerly in his hand and comforts all that hurts.

  73. 74
    Trisha Miller says:

    and all I can say after reading all that was Ash just Choose Joy, just Choose Joy! REally though, I have been down that single parenting road..with four little tiny boys, one being a brand new baby! For almost 2 years I was a single parent of those boys…and yes even the slightest of things seems next to impossible. Forget about all the things we WANT to do for even ourselves, what about the things we HAVE to do…yes like getting medicine in the middle of the night for our babies…I remember when I had my youngest son and my then almost ex-husband at the time picked me up from the hospital and dropped me off in the driveway 2 days after having a cesarean with a newborn in a carseat carrier and 3 other boys under six years old, It was dinner time, bath time, and I didn’t have any pain medication.I remember going in the house and getting on my knees and crying and praying on my knees to have God give me the strength to get through ‘IT”. I put myself together, found an Ibuprofen 800, got the boys in the bath and that was the night they became my little helpers and I discovered they were pretty much capable of helping each other bathe….who cares if all the soap didn’t get out of their hair..they smelled good! I put them to bed,after we ate cereal, climbed into bed with my newborn, nursed him to sleep as I dozed off, I remember thinking,,,,,it doesn’t get any better than this….just laying there with no cares for that one moment…It will get better..this is just a season.That I had to remember while going through my divorce…all of it hurts..the bad days are really bad,,,but it is just a season…..You will look back one day and see those that really pulled through for you in your greatest time of need and forever forever forever be grateful for them! and just remember, Choose Joy! xoxo

  74. 75
    Joy says:

    THANK YOU!! I wish you could hear the tone of my voice but just know that my whole heart and sole thanks you. The Lord sent me a huge blessing when a friend posted a link to a cute toddler tie pattern! I receive strength, support and inspiration from you each day and I want you to know that you are an instrument in the Lords hands. Thank you for sharing your life and faith and talents to bless me.

  75. 76
    Dani says:

    Single momma here….

    Surprisingly, I became a single momma 2…yes TWO months after my daughter was born (11 months now). I’ve been with my husband since I was 16…married at 20…Pregnant and a misscarriage at 25…birth of my sweet Makena at 26…27 now.

    Apparently my husband got hit with a case of PPD…YES it happens to men ALSO. He freaked and is only now realizing and getting help for depression.

    Being a single parent is AWFUL. It’s the HARDEST thing I’ve EVER done. We lived in a huge house when my daughter was born…moved to my parents home when life fell apart sharing a room with my little…I now live in an apartment…which I HATE. I have a small dog, this morning while already running LATE like usual…Pick up baby…leashed up dog and walked around th complex so dog could do his duties.

    Apartment+baby+dog= SUCKS.

    Can’t let the dog out to roam…can’t leave baby alone…awesome.

    Come over check my blog…

  76. 77
    Roz says:

    Now you made me cry. My brother and his partner had identical twin girls this morning at 28 weeks gestation. Hoping they can handle it. One twin being operated on tonight. Very worrying but all in God’s hands even though they don’t believe in Him.

  77. 78
    Michelle says:

    Your last paragraph I couldn’t agree more with about giving props to single parents! Doesn’t it burn you up when entertainment shows and magazines spotlight rich movie stars to ask about parenting advice and what their days are like?! I would rather hear tips and advice about how a single working mother makes it all happen! For that matter, any one BUT rich movie stars! Sorry you are having a craptastic week. My kid is going in for surgery on 8/8 and I cried at work today so I can kind of identify. Take care!

  78. 79
    Sarah says:

    Hang in there girlie! I’m sure Mr. LBB is wishing he was there to help as much as you wish he was. My husband travels a lot, and I’ve gotten used to it over the years, but I’ve had those times when everything seemed to fall apart at once, and you’re right…God does see you through it all. I’m so very sorry it all is happening right now while you’re dealing with your losses, when you need time for healing. It is hard to ask for help, but I agree with one of the other posts above, that it makes others feel good to be able to help. Bless them by letting them bless you! Again, hang in there, and take care! Sarah Waldrep

  79. 80
    amanda g says:

    Im sorry you have been having a hard time while your husband has been away! Im a military wife so I totally understand. We are about to start the second deployment of this year…boo! You are right though, God only gives us what we can handle. I pray that the rest of the time you guys are apart goes more smoothly:)

  80. 81
    Meredith Klobucnik says:

    Oh gosh Ashley, I am speechless….what a terrible week on top of your husband being gone but maybe now it’s all sunshine and rainbows from here on out. So sorry to hear you miscarried, I had one just before Harlow so I can relate on that horrible expierence but tell you how common it is and well look at baby #3 which is my Harlow now. Sending you some hugs and much love <3 Mere

  81. 82
    Amy says:

    I want to start a club for all women who have had unfortunate incidents in white pants, shorts or skirts. After a difficult delivery with my 2nd child, my cervix was obstructed with scar tissue and in an attempt to “open” it, I had a stent placed. My uterus was full of clots, which were blocking anything from passing through the stent, but it just took going out for my mother-in-law’s birthday to jar something loose. As I sat in my brand new white jeans, I felt a gush, then another, then another and so on. I was drenched in blood from my knees to my waist.

    About once a month I get to the point of almost losing it and it just takes having a good cry to get me back to normal again.

  82. 83
    Christy says:

    God bless you! I have had my share of single parenting issues since my hubby left for Iraq in March, but nothing as big as the loss of a child (my niece or nephew). I am thankful for the knowledge that she or he is with God. Since Gene left we have had an incident with stitches and a broken arm (both with my 12 year old Cameron). Survived both. It helps to remember when you are at the end of your rope to hang on tight- God NEVER gives you more than you can handle ( or a good cry won’t cure). You are one of the strongest people I know, but never be too strong to ask for help. I have had to learn that myself through a couple of deployments. You wll find you have many people waiting in the wings to help any way they can. We are humans and need to depend on each other once in a while. Have fun with your mom. Enjoy being with family. I know you will. Love you, Boo and Mr. LBB lots and lots! :)

  83. 84
    Tleshia Farrar says:

    oh Ashley! thank you so much for sharing all of this!!! your last two paragraphs could be taken and put into my blog and totally fit!!!! i have felt at the end of my rope and actually yelled at a lady in the grocery store for being mean to me (i’m not a yeller, AT ALL)….I (in tears, I might add) just told my husband last night, that for the first time in my life I’m questioning the scripture that tells us that God does not give us more than we can bear. I must be a lot stronger than I think. Thank you for your honesty, love for your family, your employees, and us. Praying things get easier for you and your sweet family! I hope you get some needed rest at your mom’s.

  84. 85
    Cindy K says:

    I’m old. I’m cranky. And I need to tell you two things:

    1) You need to let other people help you as much as you would be willing to help them or you are a selfish person, and

    2) If you decided to disappear tomorrow and only be a mother to a darling little girl the world would go on without your public presence.

    Think about it. And know that you are much adored and much admired and none of that will matter if you wear yourself out.

  85. 86
    Marcia says:

    Lisa,
    I have just started reading your blog about a week ago…love your thoughts and your crafts and how you keep so many balls in the air. I’m sorry they all came crashing down for a bit, and I hope things are on the upswing! My husband traveled a lot when my kids were young (6 months at a time with brief visits in betwee) so I remember some of what I thought were harrowing disasters…your last couple of days tops anything that ever happened to me! Way to put things into perspective for the rest of us!

    During a tough time back then, I was telling a wise friend what was happening, ending the saga by reciting “I know God won’t give me more than I can bear.” That wise wise friend told me, “Well, of course He will! He will give you so much that you will cease leaning on yourSELF and start leaning on HIM. He doesn’t want to hear you roar in your INdependece; He wants you to be wholly dependent on Him!”

    Oh.

    Now I skip all the “little-engine-that-could” nonsense when things start rolling out of control. I have a new mantra: Whatever it is, it got to me THROUGH Him for two reasons: my good, His glory. Period.

    Just thought I’d share. You and yours will be in my prayers!

  86. 87
    Kash says:

    You are an amazing person and I am proud you are part of our family!

  87. 88
    Suzanne says:

    Great post!
    Remind yourself that this, too, shall pass.
    Being a sungle parent was one of the most challenging things I ever experienced. My husband (of 15 years) left when our daughter was 11/2 years old. Without amazing suppport from friends (my family all lived thousands of miles away) I don’t know what I would have done. The outpouring of support I received from friends made fo a silver lining to my cloud.
    I’m now happily remarried and on good terms with my ex, but through the whole single parent experience I learned I had a stronger core than I ever thought possible.

  88. 89
    Chrystal says:

    Oh Ashley. I had a similar experience in a Target parking lot. Some Guy yelled at me and I pulled into my parking spot and just bawled. I think God sends jerks like that to help us get out those tears that we’ve been holding in, trying to be strong. I think you’re amazing. I’m honored to call you a friend, even if we aren’t very close.

  89. 90

    Ashley,
    Two things- I’m sorry and… THANK YOU!! I have had a similar (and much different) last few weeks, and it totally sucks!! I hate to think that anyone else is feeling like I am right now, but so thankful to hear that I am not the only one going through really hard times. I read your entire post with a sympathetic ear, but it was a few ladies before me who commented this:

    “I know God won’t give me more than I can bear.” Reply “Well of course He will! He will give you so much that you will cease leaning on yourself and start leaning on HIM!”

    NOW, I’m in tears… not just tears, “ugly cry” as Oprah would say, but thanks to you and Marcia I can cry then smile because I now know what to do. I’m not a person who goes to church every week, but I am spiritual and it has been far too long since I leaned on God. Actually the last time I truly leaned on him was November 2006 when I had my own miscarriage.

    Thanks for sharing! I know we will both be ok! =)

  90. 91
    Dacia says:

    Thanks for your stories. It’s so true that we never know what’s going on in another person’s life at any given moment. Here’s to hoping everything looks up from here :)

  91. 92
    Katherine says:

    What an amazing, moving post! Thanks for sharing so much of your life!

  92. 93
    Ellen says:

    Oh my… this was the PERFECT thing for me to read after the week that I just had… I hear ya!

    Thanks for this post, I really needed it.

  93. 94
    Monika says:

    Oh, Ash… I wish I could give you a big old hug right now. I’m so sorry for your loss =(. Sending lots of love and positive vibes to you and your family.

  94. 95
    Sydney says:

    Bless your heart, things are bad for you now but they will get better I promise. Just hang in there and take care of yourself!

  95. 96
    Dani says:

    I just did a single parenting post after reading this…

  96. 97
    jennifer says:

    I am so sorry for all of this. You should not have to go through this loss and surgery alone right now. Kudos to husbands who are working hard to support families (yours and mine included!) but sometimes it feels a lot harder to be home with the kids.

  97. 98

    How inspiring. I have been pouring over your blog for almost an hour. I have a little boy with a rare terminal genetic illness and have been feeling sorry for myself. While reading your blog however, I felt hopeful and uplifted by your motivation, creativity and honest perception of (some) of the worst days in your life. Thank you!

  98. 99
    Katera says:

    It is October 3rd and I am just now reading this. I know this is really late but I wanted to comment on your statement that God will only give you what you can handle. I thought the same thing until Saturday when a friend put this on twitter

    “God never gives you more than you can handle” Wrong! He will allow way more so that you can learn to depend on Him alone!

    I just wanted to share that little gem. It really makes me rethink and change my perspective.

  99. 100
    Marissa says:

    I think your clarity, confidence, humility, humour and grace makes you one of the most amazing women i have ever ‘met’ through the blogisphere. Thank-you. I am praying for you from Fanny Bay on Vancouver Island in BC, Canada.

  100. 101
    CAITLIN RIVERA says:

    Great post. What a crap week. I’m so sorry for your loss! You’re so strong. But if you need to, take a break! I love your blog.

  101. 102
    Gailete says:

    I’ve been reading your blog in such a mixed up manner, but I feel for you and what you went through. At least your hubby had an excuse for not being there for you. My first was never helpful and when kids were sick it was all up to me to juggle them and my job plus all the usual house stuff. Remembering the day he got mad because I had used the checking account to pay for a prescription when one of them was sick. He figured I should have paid with my own funds on my payday which was still a few days away! When he filed for a divorce and this guy who never lifted a finger to help went for custody of the kids (he wanted the child support) and even so when kids were sick they still came to me, I was proud of the fact that how hard the ex and his family wanted to make me look like a ‘bad’ mom, the kids votes of wanting to be with me were what counted with me. God gave me strength through it all.

    I take a low dose of a chemotherapy drug for my arthritis and had the joy also of chasing hair that would come out when I washed it and felt like a bunch of spider webs in my hands, I shed hair constantly until I got on the right dosage of Folic acid which finally stabilized my hair and broken fingernails. The upset stomach it caused so that now I need weekly shots of it to avoid my GI track. So in such a small way I have learned to have so much empathy for those going through chemotherapy in ways even as a nurse it was hard to understand. I appreciate your posts so much and you are so right in that God helps us through each day.

Trackbacks

  1. [...] to everyone for your sweet words and stories on my Single Parenting post. I’m glad so many others can relate….it puts everything into perspective right!? I made [...]

  2. [...] After the stressful few weeks I had in July, I made myself drop everything and travel with Boo for a much needed visit to NC to stay with my mom and see my family.  It was the first time I’ve been back to NC since my father’s funeral and it was much needed. [...]

  3. [...] father passed away. I had a miscarriage. I was diagnosed with cancer. A 6-inch tumor invaded straight through my uterus. I came close to [...]

  4. [...] her up from Bonnie when he was able to leave the hospital. It kind of reminded me of last summer when I had to go in for my first D&C and Mr. LBB was in Washington for 4 weeks: I had Lisa drive me to the hospital, Gicela took Boo, my [...]

  5. [...] crazy that 2011 was marked by: my father passing away, a miscarriage, cancer,  a 6-inch tumor, trauma surgeons, a car wreck, and aggressive [...]