Men Oh Paws Uhl

Well, I got the results of last week’s tests back.  I’d been hoping that my eggs would be okay to donate for a surrogate one day…..or that at least it would be an option…..but the doctor doesn’t think they are viable anymore. The chemotherapy has caused me to go into pre-menopause. It was all foreshadowed by insomnia and night sweats. Here’s what went through my head all day:

 

My poor eggs.  They were nuked. Maybe I should get some second opinions before I have a funeral for them?

I’ve been in denial about it…..just thinking the past few months that they’d be okay and surrogacy might be in the cards for us at some point.  There were some tears today…..but another part of me is at peace knowing that God obviously has another plan for us. I’m supposed to start estrogen patches this week but my mom wants me to look into natural progesterone too…..she’s read a lot of books on how synthetic hormone replacement can cause side effects and increase the risk of cancer. Great…..an increased risk of cancer….what would that mean for someone who already HAS cancer. The whole hormone thing makes my head hurt.

You know what I do when sh*t happens? I make something. I finished up a new pattern today and sent it out for final testing. Yay! It should be available in a few days once all the kinks are worked out. Then I drew an obstacle course with chalk in the driveway for Boo. Boo made us all laugh so hard tonight when she was walking down the hall with lotion all over her and turned to my mom and said “can you pull my shorts out of my bum please?”

Yes dear…..I can pull your shorts out of your bum.

 

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Comments

  1. 1

    You are amazing- and now I don’t feel sorry for myself anymore. THANK YOU!
    p.s. get a 2nd opinion.

  2. 2

    Oh Ashley, hugs mama. You are right, there is a different path ahead of you and I’m sure it will be wonderful. <3

  3. 3

    Be sure to talk to a fertility specialist!! Please don’t give up! Xo

    • 4
      Elisa F. says:

      Yes, please! Right this minute! Before you start taking hormones, see what a fertility doc says – your actual eggs can be tested for viability – they can sort though dozens searching for the ones that are still perky. There may be another future little bum from which your mother will need to pull shorts.

  4. 5

    Im sorry to hear about the news, but of course it wouldnt hurt to get a second opinion. There is always a plan in the works, so dont feel forgotten.
    Your daughter sounds like she has a great sense of humor too!

  5. 6

    It has to be hard when the option is taken from you. My heart hurts reading this. I am glad you have so much love surrounding you. Your mom sounds like an impressive lady. I know where you get it. I’m betting Boo will have the grace, brains and looks of both of you ladies combined- mixed with Mr LBB’s courage and love- that’s quite an amazing Boo.
    Love and Prayers, Taci

  6. 7

    Oh Ashley, I’m so sorry about your eggs, and the potential offspring… I hope you find what is meant and meaningful for you. And i highly support a 2nd opinion… love and light to you, k’~

  7. 8
    Mary Price says:

    I think that natural is the way to go! I have a HUGE issue (personally!) with how they GET Premarin!! Seriously… The name stands for Pregnant Mare Urine :( and they keep mares pregnant with a cathater to get the urine :( For SURE not something I want in MY body :( Although, the night sweats and the mood swings are no fun either, but, I HAVE found that the One A Day vitamin for menopause works WONDERS!! As does Estroven!!!

  8. 9

    Ashley, I’m so sorry. :( I know this has to be another blow. But you’re right, God always has a plan, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jer 29:11) Second opinions can’t ever hurt, and I agree with your mom. I would definitely check to make sure that your “type” of cancer you had — I lost my sister in 2010 to breast cancer with a brain met . . . hers was a “hormone receptive” cancer, and so she couldn’t do any type of hormone therapy when her chemo threw her into menopause. Best wishes, and know that you’re in my prayers!

    • 10

      When I read this post, Jer 29:11 was the first verse in my head too. I am so sorry that this is unfolding the way that it seems to be, for a loss of potential and for a change to what you thought your family would look like. It’s a loss I’m familiar with, though not in the same way.

      It will be good….one way or another God will work ALL things for good. Hang in there, and be brave.

      Katherine, thank you for posting this verse first and I am so sorry to hear of your sister. I’ll remember her and you in my prayers tonight too.

      xo

      Christy.

  9. 11

    Listen to your momma – she is right! Praying for you.

  10. 14

    My heart hurts for you. Know that there is a plan … and it will be glorious!

  11. 15

    Just within the last few months, a study came out that said that women who experience hot flashes in the early stages of menapause may have fewer instances of heart disease and stroke. Doesn’t make the sweating any easier to take but maybe they are good for something after all.

  12. 16
    Jennifer Goldberg says:

    I am so sorry Ashley. I also agree with others, get a second opinion and see a fertility specialist. My husband asked about you today, he said to me “how is that girl doing?” Again, he asked why I have never driven to meet you in person. I keep telling him one day I will get up the nerve to call her and go for a visit. One day…..
    Jennifer

  13. 17

    Hugs Ashley. Definitely get a 2nd opinion. Thinking & praying for you & your family.

  14. 18

    I’m so sorry to hear this Ashley! Randomly I was just watching the Guiliana and Bill special all about surrogacy today and it really made me think….whatever God’s plan for each of us is, is what will be. It may not always be what we like, when we like it, but it is what’s best for us. I know he has a beautiful plan for you and your family, even if it is so difficult to see it now. You are in my prayers!

  15. 19

    Ashley,
    I am sorry that option ended for you. You should be done with bad news now. I am sure you feel sad. But know there are other great options for you. My eggs were shot without any chemo. We were lucky enough to have two beautiful, perfect, adopted kids and one gem through a donor. They are your kids no matter where their DNA comes from! God just has a different plan for you!!!

  16. 20

    DEFINITELY get a second opinion…i was told i had a “less than 1%” of conceiving…and now 2 kids later…doctors don’t know everything. you’re such a fighter i would not be surprised if you still had a bunch of little fighters hanging out in your ovaries! :0) once again, you amaze me…once again, you are choosing joy. anyway…i’m commenting because you amaze me/encourage me/challenge me AND i have a cousin who’s going into early menopause and she found a natural hormone replacement therapy that comes from yams of all things. i have NO idea what it’s “street” name is…google “yam hormones”??? she LOVES the hormones…it’s been a seamless transition for her. they come in a lotion form that she puts on at night. they’re totally safe…as far as being around other people/rubbing off onto other people. just thought i’d pass along that info. lots of love to you!!!

    • 21

      AND…the yam hormones are specifically formulated for her specific hormone needs…she gets no more or less than she needs.

  17. 22

    I’m sorry you may not have the option of surrogacy. A 2nd opinion might be part of God’s plan for you – go for it. And get a 2nd opinion on any hormone therapies since you’ve had cancer. I don’t know your situation so I don’t know why you might need to add hormones. Peri-menopause is a normal part of our lives – not exactly fun at times, but normal. It doesn’t usually require tweaking from us. Your Lil Boo is a riot!

  18. 23

    I’m sorry to hear this. Get a second opinion, but have faith that there may be a different destination for you and you are just the one to find the path to get there. Mental hugs to you and your family.

    And who hasn’t been all lotioned up and find them selves with a wedgie. I love it that Boo asked for help!

  19. 24

    :( So sorry to hear it. I second the fertility specialist when you feel the time is right. H, can eggs be temporarily nuked because of what you’ve been through? Adoption is a slow, long process, but still a great option for some.

    I totally don’t know what to say, but I just feel that there’s good ahead for you.

  20. 25

    I wish I had your energy!

  21. 26

    Sorry to hear of your news. Thanks for having amazing faith. I adore you and loved hearing you at SNAP! You are such an amazing inspiration to so many.
    xoxo

  22. 27

    Ashley, as a mother with daughters your age, I say listen to Mom. I know this sounds a little infomercial like but go to Suzannesomers.com. This is a woman who has had cancer and has devoted her life to studying hormones. She has done the legwork for the rest of us that don’t have her resources or access. She’s almost as amazing as you!

  23. 28

    Many hugs and prayers being sent to you and your family. I’m sure that God had many wonderful things awaiting you and the ones you hold dear.

  24. 29
    Sandra Curry says:

    Hi Ashley,
    My daughter and Jenn Walton have been friends since their dys at Palm Valley Dchool. I have been reding your blog and am always inspired. Your attitude is terrific and your humor brings smiles always. I was moved to write today by your comments about or one replacement. I am a psychologist and R.N. I did a lot of research about hormone replacement when I became menopausal following a hysterectomy when I was 40. I made this decision because my mother had breast anger and ai wanted to minimize my risk. I took the natural hormones in oral form. My insurance paid very little but I felt that the $100 per month charge was well worth it. I think that you would be very happy going that route.
    My prayers are with you and your family.
    Sandra Curry

  25. 30

    You are the most amazing person I know…and I don’t even know you!

    I am thinking of you and sending you love. You are inspiring me to start a blog again…I used to have one years ago when I thought I was on the right track to healing my son with a specific diet. It ends up that I AM healing him with diet (and therapy and many of the things that you talk about, despite the differences in your conditions) but it is a long journey and no matter how hard I work, it is never what I think it will be. What I have learned is to just keep working and trying… and to keep the faith. I have been at this with my now 8 year-old for over five years and I will never give up – I am realistic but full of hope. Always.

    When I question myself, I read your blog and carry on, and am reminded to keep fighting harder than ever. YOU do this, and I am grateful. I Choose Joy. Thank you for sharing that with us.

    xoxo,
    Emily

  26. 31

    First, so sorry you’re going through this. It’s just not fair. It’s just not.
    That being said…
    I agree with others, definitely get a second opinion…and even a third opinion. It’s always good to have a lot of options/alot of opinions, and you never know what the different options are.

    I had to take progesterone supplements to stay pregnant with my kids. That being said, the natural supplements were so much better than the synthetic ones. So I agree with your mom. Definitely look into them. They’ll be better.

    I too believe there is/has to be a brighter side coming for you. I hope you’re feeling awesome, and I wish you nothing but the best, lady! Many hugs to ya! :)

  27. 32

    =// … Big big big kiss, request a second opinion, listen to your Mom and look Boo : behold your sun (Idevour my sons’s eyes when a am not emoral) <3

    Kisses

  28. 33

    Princess Ash – you’re amazing. plain and simple. love love love the priceless timing of Boo. your struggles are someone else’s blessings. sux, i know, but i for one am thankful for you. two words for you: bioidentical hormones. see a good naturopath to prescribe them. please, whatever u do, do not go synthetic. there is a proven estrogen-breast cancer link. heaven knows you don’t need more cancer c _ _ p! love you doll!! Princess A2

  29. 34

    Dear Ashley- I am also sorry. I agree- 2nd opinion and hope are important. I have a friend with one of those early menopause stories that was told no chance of kids. 3 girls later… I also have friends with gorgeous adopted children. God is good and you inspire me to remember that every single time I read your blog. I am so glad you are still here with us.

  30. 35

    I’m sorry to hear about your ‘news’ as of late. I’m praying for you and faithfully wearing my choose joy reminders every day. I think I may be playing a little too much “draw something” I saw the picture at the top of this and immediately tried to guess what it was. I thought some type of cancer medication they want you to take now. Or a new supplement or something. THEN I read the title of the blog post…

    I love the little bit about Boo and her bum. :) Such a sweetie. Does she love her quilt? I know I do! I’m inspired to give it a try myself. But I’m seriously worried about having to cut up clothing that I loved so much. I can’t bring myself to cut up pictures for scrapbooking {I know, it’s weird. Digital is way more my thing anyway} so I really think I would have a hard time with creating the squares. And, if I did somehow manage to make the squares, I would very likely get the project about 3/4 of the way finished and get distracted by something else and it would sit in the pile with hundreds of other “good ideas” that never actually get finished all the way.

    Hang in there and take the advice of all these other amazing women that are responding to this post. Get a 2nd opinion (and 3rd and 4th if necessary!) and keep praying. I’ll keep praying too. God has a plan for all of us. There is some reason for all that is happening to you and it will be revealed in God’s time, not ours. I have to keep reminding myself of the same thing. Over and over and over. And don’t forget to take the time to listen for God when you pray. So often we pray for all kinds of things and never really take the time to sit and be still and listen for Him to answer us. There is healing in the silence of listening for God.

    Hugs to you! – AMB

  31. 36

    I love you!!!! Prayers and big big hugs. Xoxo

  32. 37
    Beth Morrow says:

    Definitely get the second opinion…you’ll feel better…go with the natural hormones first…see how you do…listen to your Momma, she is obviously well informed. Still praying for a clean bill of health for you.
    Love ya, Beth

  33. 38

    So sorry about your poor x-eyed eggs. Your faith in God is amazing though. I was so happy to see you for a second at SNAP–you looked amazing. Even more confident and beautiful than last year at CE. My admiration grows for you on a daily basis. xoxo

  34. 39
    Jan Richards says:

    I just started reading your blog last week. My heart goes out to you…seek another
    opinion. I had a stage 3 breast cancer 21 years ago at the age of 44. It did not
    look good, yet here I am today. Keep praying and stay positive and God will
    make it all happen in His way and in His time. I still have the hot flashes and wonder if I will ever outgrow them. Love and good wishes to you.

  35. 40
    Teri Wendt says:

    I say 2nd opinion all the way Ashley ! Also, there is a women in my hometown that does natural hormone creams and they are amazing. I just live in the San Francisco Bay Area so if you are interested let me know or my daughter Heather of Glitter and Gloss and I will get all the information for you. I thank God daily for you and your recovery and joyful spirit !! You are an inspiration to me.

    Love and hugs,
    Teri

  36. 41
    Stephanie T says:

    Hi Ashley–I love your website. Reading your observations on life and how you choose to “joy”fully handle and tackle things makes MY day. My favorite website for anything hormonal is called http://www.power-surge.com. You may find some answers on there. I count my lucky stars that I found it when a bunch of hormonal issues hit me like a ton of bricks. The ladies on the message boards there have saved my sanity many, many times. I’ve actually cried tears of relief on several occasions after reading and learning that it was not just me going through stuff.

  37. 42

    I’m so sorry…

  38. 43

    Hi Ashley,

    Sorry to hear about your early menopause. I wish I could give you my eggs, but I’m 53 and I think they are probably all crappy anyway….lol

    I agree with your mom, you should look into natural methods to help you with this whole thing. Both my mom and sister had breast cancer and another sister had brain cancer and I was told that I should never, never use estrogen because it could cause me to have cancer. I might end up with it one day, but I sure am not going to run after it.

    I wish you all the best in the world and hope you find something that will help you with the night sweats, etc….

  39. 44
    Feryal de Belin says:

    Dearest Ashely,
    My heart goes out to you! Tears are good and you need to let them flow to heal.

    I do believe God has another plan for you and all I can think is of the beautiful brother or sister/s Boo will have and how lucky they will be to have you and Mr LBB as parents.
    My prayers are with you
    Feryal xxoo

  40. 45

    It’s hard when the dream of how you want to build your family is derailed. Infertility, no matter how it comes about or what causes it, is a painful process that brings a grief all its own. Please be encouraged by the thought that families are built in so many different ways.

  41. 46

    I have been a respiratory therapist for 17 years which is so far on the other spectrum from fertility I know. But I have seen a LOT. I have seen some of the most confident doctors knocked to their knees by the “what if” factor. There is more then one doctor for a reason. Second opinions should always be asked for and given.

    On the more spiritual side God definaetly has a plan for you. What is the saying…”if you want to see God laugh tell him you have a plan”. When he may shut one door, turn around, there is probably another one open behind you. May He carry you through these difficult days so you can one day walk beside him again hand in hand.

  42. 47

    “doesn’t think” does not sound the same as “without a doubt”…I do believe that knowing for sure leaves no room or wondering “what if.” From what I have read on your website…you are a person who finds joy in the journey…no matter what bumps in the road appear.

  43. 48
    Victoria W says:

    Sorry about your eggs. I had a dr. tell me that my eggs are old. Is that a nicer way of telling me I am old? Thankfully my DH was there and let the good doc know there’s a better way to say things.

    As for the hormones. My mom read, read, read! There is a natural supplement that can help with all menopause symptoms. Many anti cancer drugs are anti-estrogens. So why would we want to add estrogen. Email me if you want more info.

  44. 49

    Ashley I lurke a lot and rarely comment. But I just had to say I agree with so many others. Do yourself the favour of second and third opinions.

    Much love to you and your continued healing and recovery.

  45. 50

    I’m sorry about your eggs. A second opinion couldn’t hurt anything. Go for it.
    Boo’s request made me laugh out loud!

  46. 51

    Blessings to you, Ashley. I vote for getting a second opinion and seeing a fertility specialist too. Black Cohosh from health food store is suggested to be helpful for night sweats, peri-menopause symptoms but of course always check with your dr first before trying even so-called natural and organic supplements. Prayers for you and yours.

  47. 52

    Hey Ashley: It totally sucks that your eggs got nuked ~ I started menopausal symptoms very early as well. (age 41) After lots of spitting into lots of little vials, I learned that my body basically doesn’t produce progesterone anymore and this is likely the reason I had a miscarriage several years ago. The bioidentical hormones have brought me back to normal, whatever “normal” is…. again. Much love to you.

  48. 53

    Would you ever consider adoption? xx my heart goes out to you.
    hugs x

  49. 54

    Ashley, please get a second opinion with a fertility specialist specializing in post-treatment cases. There are so may people that get some positive results when working with the right doctors. I personally know two girls that have had children – one after two bouts of leukemia and a bone marrow transplant (including chemo and total body radiation), she went on to have a miracle baby naturally. The other girl had bone cancer, when she was a teen, underwent surgery, chemo and localized radiation and then relapsed at the 5 year mark with Leukemia as a secondary cancer and she needed a stem cell transplant. (and chemo/radiation). She was told she would be infertile from the transplant. She went on to have trouble with her eggs at first and the fertility specialist told her basically something along the lines of them being in shock, or bruised and to give it time and then she was able to have a surrogate carry her baby. I strongly urge you to get in touch with the organization http://www.fertilehope.org/ . They can be a support in this situation and help you find the right doctors and people to talk to.

    On the subject of natural hormones, my mom (as well as most of my aunts etc) have been taking a natural hormone given by their homeopathic chiro and its a lotion and they swear by it… I can get more info if you want.

    hugs

  50. 55

    One thing I have learned over the years is that God works in mysterious and wondrous ways. He doesn’t plant a dream only to steal it away. He gives us dreams to give us hope and something to strive for.

    Sometimes our interpretation of how that dream will play out is not how God sees it playing out. Trust Him, and Him alone. Hold onto the dreams He gives you and trust that He will make them come true.

    His word is a “Light unto our path”. He shows us enough of the path He has us on to keep us going in the right direction. We would be overwhelmed if he lit up our whole life’s journey at one time…

    Your words are so encouraging. I won’t pretend to know what you’re going through or how you are feeling, but I will say that you have been and I am sure will continue to be an encouragement to many.

    May God bless you with peace as you move into this new phase of your life, May you find His Love in the most unexpected of places, and May your dreams remain vivid and unwavering, for when those dreams come from God, there IS a way for them to come true even when we can not see it.

    Paul

  51. 56

    All I can say is xoxo. Praying everyday:)

  52. 57

    Ashley… Sweet girl…You are amazing! XoXo

  53. 58

    I know your hurt…my eggs are useless to me…but I can tell you this with COMPLETE certainty, God has a plan for you that is far and beyond your wildest dreams…I know because I have been given the gift of a child that reminds me every day of the glory of God. Her gifts are beyond measure…and sometimes I am secretly very thankful that she got genes that are actually far better than my husband and I could have given her…and she adds to our life in the same kinds of delightful ways that your Boo does…there is a wonderful plan for you, my dear!!!

  54. 59

    If anybody can stay strong it will be you! I’m so sorry you didn’t get the news you got and I’m sure there will be more tears shed. Just know we’re still praying for you and God does have a plan for you and your family! I know you probably don’t want to think about it yet but adoption is always an option too and then you’d be giving a child a home that didn’t have one. I would think that would be the next best thing to having my own! ;)

  55. 60

    We lost our 2nd too & then told we couldn’t have more. Did 2 rounds of ivf then let go. Let go of what I thought our family would look like, like go of thinking having one child wasnt enough, let go of thinking my son would be lacking… God gave me incredible peace that day, though it was gut wrenching. I only have one but he is an INCREDIBLE young man. God def knows His Plans for you. Praying for you girl . Tough stuff you are having to deal with all at once. Hugs

  56. 61

    Thinking of you, girl. Love your strength and positivity!

  57. 62

    You amaze me with your strength! I will keep your eggs in my prayers! Maybe they will recover! Thinking positive thoughts for you!

  58. 63

    Wow. :(
    God does know what He’s doing, though, and I’ll be praying for you and your family:)

  59. 64

    Your attitude is amazing. God bless you! From what I’ve heard and read about estrogen i’d steer clear of it. Just my opinion – i have no firsthand experience but I have talked to some who DO have first hand experience

  60. 65

    I hope that now you know 100% you can really move forward. It is the…well, what iffffff…..blah blah. For me,until I know all the facts, I can’t move on completely from anything. You are so amazing and strong and faithful. I wish so badly I lived closet to utah to go to that snap conference! Sounded amazing!!

    That daughter of yours is a riot. What a pillar of light in your life!

  61. 66
    ira lee henson says:

    if another child is what your heart craves then you will have one. im sorry the news wasnt what you wanted, but there are options!!!!! the lord will lead you down the right path, maybe adoption is the way to go? there are plenty of babies that need love! and just think, someday you will have another kid cracking us all up like boo does!!! lol

  62. 67
    jennifer says:

    Please get a second opinion. See a reproductive endochrinologist. I’ve been down that road. It is worth it. Plus, the ashley I’ve been reading, following, and praying for is a fighter. You have never settled and you shouldn’t now. Big prayers for you

  63. 68

    Oh it made my heart hurt reading this. I wear your bracelet and have my Vintage Pearl necklace on everyday. It seems so hard to get bad news when you’ve already had so much. I felt I should let you know that I am in my 30′s & have had to go on NATURAL PROGESTERONE for my terrible headaches and my hormone craziness. I decided to stop with synthetic “crap” (birth control etc) as it was really messing me up. The NP has helped me sooooo much. If you want the names etc of what I use – please email me. Kymberduck [at] yahoo.com. I can also give you a few more details about how it helped if you want. God bless. My girls and I have been praying for you so much!!! You are an inspiration and help me remember to ‘Choose Joy’ on a daily basis. Xxoo

  64. 69
    Heather H says:

    I’m so sorry. I agree with everyone else about getting a second opinion. You can never be 100% sure unless you do. My mom’s doctor wouldn’t even believe her when she started pre-menopause (in her 30s…naturally…as did all the other women in her family) so she started herself on a vitamin regiment which really helped her. She has a book called ‘Managing Menopause with Diet” by Leslie Beck. She likes it a lot. She takes a ton of vitamins but at least she feels better.

  65. 70
    Courtney says:

    I am a so dense this morning! I didn’t understand what you post title meant until I read the post :).

    You’re a very strong woman with an awesome family, motherhood again is not closed to you. Every person has so much love to give that it doesn’t really matter how kids come along…living proof: my children whom we adopted from foster care this past November. Knowing that I didn’t create them personally doesn’t make them less loved by me or my husband. Your path is out there, waiting for you to step on it.

  66. 71

    OOOO, I would just have to snatch me some overlays! I love those!

  67. 72

    Haha, wrong post to reply to. Got a little excited about overlays.

    Ashley, the hormone debate kind of reminds me of the “vaccines cause autism” thing – okay, not so much. But, honestly, everything gives you cancer, and doctors are going to be the best source of information regarding what should go in your body. Ha! Actually! I think it’s something like estrogen gives you breast cancer and progesterone gives you endometrial cancer OH MY GAH WHAT AM I SAYING. Uhh well I really think you should talk to some docs. Everyone’s got an opinion about everything, so.

  68. 73

    http://www.iamsecond.com/seconds/scott-hamilton/

    I read your blog post and then I watched this video…I hope it brings inspiration and hope to you! It’s Scott Hamilton’s testimony of going through cancer and having miracle children. If God has placed a burning in your heart for children I believe He plans to bring you children, *however* that may end up looking…and it will be a beautiful blessing orchestrated entirely by a LOVING God. Bless you.

  69. 74

    Sending you HUGS and positive thoughts today, Ashley :) I agree with many other commentors – get that second opinion! Also, I think its awesome that your Mom is so knowledgable and helpful regarding your treatments. I know my own Mom has had lots more success with progesterone than estrogen also :) All the best to you!

  70. 75
    Kim Rhodes says:

    As always, your positive attitude and outlook is unbelievable and inspiring and just touches my heart. Scott and I are praying for you and your family daily. As so many others have said before me, God has an amazing plan for you.

  71. 76

    Boo is a doll! :) I’d get a second opinion too! Yay for being crafty–excited to see the new pattern!

  72. 77

    *HUGS* What a picture :) It kind of reminds me of a morbid one I’ve got in my head, but you have the guts to share. I’m so proud of your strength and bravery Ashley. Best wishes with the second opinion process, and here’s twisted fingers to just a temporary menopausal state. If there’s anything I can do, please let me know.

  73. 78
    Catherine O'Neal says:

    Ashley, this had to be so hard to hear . . . it was hard to read. Having gone through years of wondering if I’d be able to conceive biological children, I can empathize with the sense of loss you feel thinking that those eggs are gone. I feel sure you will find your way down this path, though, as you have done so gracefully thus far. The quilt you made for Boo is AMAZING. Priceless. Will be keeping you in my prayers.

  74. 79

    always get a second opinion on something like that. that being said, maybe youre not supposed to have another biological child…you bless so many people everyday and you have so much love and joy and hope inside you, maybe you could give that hope and joy and love to a child who never got the chance to experience what boo has? maybe thats the plan meant for you. its an option, but get a second opinion just to make sure, too. :)

  75. 80

    I’m with others–get a second opinion before throwing in the proverbial towel. And oh, how I love your sense of humor. Also? Boo’s comment had me laughing out loud. I almost snorted Diet Coke out my nose!

  76. 81
    Amy Alexander-Barnes says:

    Yes please see a fertility Dr. I didn’t “nuke” my eggs do to cancer, but I went into pre-metopause at the ripe age of 27. I was diagnosed with POF (premature ovarian failure) and told I would never conceive naturally – but by age 33 I have two beautiful 3 yr old girls to show that anything is possible! They can work wonders and the science is getting better everyday. IVF and other treatments do work – keep hoping! Much love!

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    What’s one more doctor’s visit, right?? Get that second opinion, sista! Whoever you get to share your “JOY” with–whether another biological child/children, an adopted child/children or your current family and friends–will be blessed for it! Your JOY is just too big to contain!

  78. 83

    Your attitude is awesome! I am a single mom of two (adopted from Guatemala) and had a TAH/kept ovaries (8 years ago) and kept thinking I was going into pre menopause because I kept having hot flashes and irritability. Last year I asked the doc to test my hormones again and they tell me I am still not in early stages of menopause. You and your mama are smart to get second opinions about your eggs and the hormones. You go girl!! Hugs!!

  79. 84

    Yes to Plan B, keep ur options open and think positive. Excited for the new pattern, sneak peek?

  80. 85
    Allison S. says:

    Sending a lot of love and strength your way. You’re such a beautiful person, I know God has something very special in store for you. Have you ever read nihaoyall? It’s a blog about adopting from China. There are many options out there for you and I hope you’re able to get a second opinion and explore what you feel is right.

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    Connie De Grandis says:

    Sorry about your eggs. :( I can imagine it feels like a great loss. God has a plan…

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    Ashley, I feel like I’m echoing all the comments left, but I would get a second opinion. I love your attitude and that you’re choosing joy, even if things don’t quite work out as you hoped. There’s always a plan, even if it’s not one we’re expecting. Hang in there. <3

  83. 88

    I am so sorry to hear this. However, before you give up, go see a fertility specialist to make sure! A second opinion never hurts. And, what if God is calling you to adopt some day? That could be awesome too! I am praying for you, and hope you have a great day!

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    Darla Maple says:

    Compound pharmacists and natural hormones are awesome.

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    Robbie Ross says:

    Thirty one years ago I had to mourn the loss of the ability to have any more children. I was blessed with two awesome daughters, but had the dream of having a son or any other babies taken away due to my health issues. Being able to discuss your loss will help. Take care of your emotional health just as you care for your physical health. Praying for you!

  86. 91

    You are a doll. Of course you can’t share sad news without a great, funny story – that is hilarious! I am so sorry to hear about the eggs. I know you will be wonderful with whatever God has planned for you. I can’t wait to see your next pattern.

  87. 92

    I’m not young (59) and I can’t say I am in the greatest of shape (too many pounds that need to go away) but at the age of 17 I had one ovary removed along with the second uterus they found. That was 1970 when they had to open you up to see what was inside. All turned out ok, I married a man who only had one testicle but we still produced one boy and one girl. We were blessed. What I wanted to say is that with only one ovary I started early menopause back when I was in my 30′s. The hot flashes were bad, but when the night sweats started I could set my clock by the 3:00 am wake to being drenched. I do not like drugs, I try not to take them if I can get away with it, so I didn’t take anything. It wasn’t always pleasant but I got through it. Well to tell the truth I still get hot flashes but not nearly has bad as they were. Listen to your Mom, try something natural first, then try to set your mind to handle it. Your so strong I know if I can get through it, it will be a breaze for you.

  88. 93

    As someone that’s gone through infertility treatments (unsuccessfully), I would like to add my two cents. :O)

    While your eggs might be fried, there’s really no way of knowing without trying. The most important thing for you to consider, in my opinion, is how the hormones that you would be injecting would effect any lingering cancer cells in your body. You don’t want to trigger any cancer growth via hormone injections.

    Find a reputable Reproductive Endocrinologist in your area, schedule a consultation, and go from there.

    Feel free to email me if you have any questions. I’m an expert on this stuff. Even though it didn’t work for me.

  89. 94

    don’t give up. My best friend’s cousin fought through lukemia and multiple doctors and specialists telling her she wasn’t going to make it, and that she would NEVER have kids… that there was no chance.

    today, she has 2 kids of her own who are healthy, happy little boys. anything is possible.

  90. 95

    I’m new to your blog, so I don’t know the whole story about the chemo, but I do appreciate your positive outlook on the situation and that perhaps God does have another plan for you!

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    Megan Mendez says:

    Ashley,

    I have cancer as well and at 28, doctors say I’m post menopausal. I had crazy anger and hot flashes/night sweats for about 3 months before they decided to test my hormone levels. The menopause is a problem for your bones too! Because low estrogen effects your bones, chemo induced menopause can cause osteopenia and osteoporosis. Plus with all the chemo, steroids, pain meds, etc. and if you are small framed like me, it increases your risks even more. I found out last week that I have the bones of a 65 year old. Very scary. So the doctors now have me on birth control for the hormones and Fosamax for my bones. Have your bones checked! I had no idea that chemo would push me into menopause and that my bones would be affected too. My eggs are dead too and because I had chemo for a year and no period for a year, they don’t think I will ever be fertile. My husband and I have been married 6 years in August and we have no kids. I guess we get to really spoil are nieces and nephews! And our dog!

  92. 97

    Your daughter is too cute.
    I just lost my Dad last week and when I think about getting to be there with him when he pasted I feel joy that I had that experience. You inspire many people and make me feel that I have nothing but my blessings to count. I had time with my Dad and he got to know his 1 grandson who I gave birth to at 44. You too are blessed and pass that on to everyone you touch.

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    From a mother of 2 adopted children and a surprise…..one of my fav quotes!
    “However motherhood comes to you, it is a miracle.” -Valerie Harper

  94. 99

    I’m sorry to hear that. :( Fertility and chemo is something patients aren’t given enough information about. I’ve had leukemia for six years and I’m scared to death I won’t be able to have children when the time comes. I was just engaged to my best friend of three years. The thought of never seeing a little version of her crushes me.

    I wasn’t trying to make this about me, I just wanted to thank you for writing about your cancer. I stumbled across your site on accident and reading someone else talk about the emotions nobody else really understands is a breath of fresh air. I try to do the same on my blog. It’s truly inspiring. Thank you.

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    Karen Nelson says:

    You have made it through so much that hot flashes and night sweats are not going to pull you down. I am a Black Cohosh user and find that it helps me. Used to wake up sweating and also would get such bad hot flashes that I wanted to rip mu clothes off. Hope you find what works for you.

  96. 101

    Ah yes, early menopause and night sweats – urgh. I am sorry to hear the news. I had cancer when I was three years old and now at 40 am in the throws of the early E. myself. I sleep with two extra cotton Ts next to my bed so I don’t have to get up at night to change them! I am sure that you will deal with this with grace and beauty that have always embodied.

  97. 102

    I started having hormonal problems last year. Happy 40th Birthday? I was referred to a local compounding pharmacist because my Doctor couldn’t figure out anything else that might be wrong with me. I had a great visit with the pharmacist and she came up with a personalized plan of bioidentical hormones for me. It has made a tremendous difference in my life and I wish I would’ve met her 10 years earlier when I struggled with infertility.

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    God bless you! P.s. I love Boo :)

  99. 104

    I love your blog. i should comment more. i just adore you and your attitude.
    I just wanted to share some great news with you.

    having a hormone imbalance is actually a great thing. I know that sounds weird.. but here is the hope. they link hormone imbalance to many diseases in the body. My friends mother had uterian cancer and Lupus… and was having a terrible time with both. she found out her hormones were whacked out, got on bio-identical hormones through hotze clinic in houston.

    { look up hotze clinic… suzane summers wrote a book about this }

    Anyway, long story short.. both her cancer and her lupus went away. RIGHT AWAY.

    I know it may seem like this hormone imbalance is just one more annoyance and thing to think about… but it could be a blessing in disguise.

    they think i may have an undifferentiated Auto immune disease.. means they cant figure out what it is?… and im going to to the hotze clinic.. next tuesday.. comes to find out. ALL of my hormones are off. Im excited as I have heard such great things.

    Hormones are so important.. .and this could be a great thing for you!
    I pray God leads you to his perfect plan.

    xo Shauna