Me: Wouldn’t it be funny if Boo woke up tomorrow morning and found the Elf in one of our places?
Mr. LBB: Ha….I was just thinking the same thing.
Me: So who’s going to sleep in the guest room tonight?
Mr. LBB: Let’s just switch sides instead.
So last night we switched sides of the bed. It’s never been done in the history of Family LBB-dom.
I warned Mr. LBB of the weird dreams he would have sleeping on my side of the bed. Here’s just a sample from the last 3 nights:
1. I was at a cookout at the White House’s lake house. I had a conversation with President Obama and one of Romney’s sons’ wives I think? Boo wanted to go swimming but I wouldn’t let her because? Then it gets a little blurry but the part I remember the most clearly was when Ann and Mitt Romney left early and offered to drove me home, to my childhood home?! Wait, does the White House have a lake house? Anyways, the Romneys drove me home…..in a conversion van. It was all so real they must have a conversion van….
2. I was hanging out with Brad and Angelina with all our kids. Well, really all of THEIR kids, and then my kid. I was acting all nonchalant like “oh big deal that I’m hanging out with Brad and Angelina” even though inside I was like “holy bells, I’m hanging out with Brad and Angelina.” It was all so real that if I ran into Brangelina on the street I’d be like “hey, long time no see……” Same with President Obama and the Romneys…..we are all best buds.
3. I was hoping I would have dreams last night about baby goats….so I watched this video over and over before going to bed:
(is it just me or does Buttermilk need to a talk about bullying? That poor little b&w goat having to get up yet ANOTHER time almost sent me over the edge….)
But I didn’t dream about cute little baby goats because I ended up watching Saturday Night Live and my dream ended up being that I was hired to make Excel spreadsheets for John Boehner about how to avoid paying taxes on fine art pieces (maybe like Cinderella button art?). I had to fly to Charlotte, NC where the tax committee’s meetings were but John Boehner’s assistant wouldn’t let me attend the meeting because I was wearing yoga pants. They gave me a stipend to go and buy a business suit (because apparently they really needed my Excel spreadsheet skills?!) I don’t remember the end of the dream except for trying to catch a taxi at 3am because I thought I could visit my old house in Charlotte to pick up some clothes before the meeting (seemed logical in my dream).
They say we only use a fraction of our brain’s true potential. Now that’s when we’re awake. When we’re asleep, we can do almost anything.
-from the movie Inception
4. Mug vs. Cup: Mr. LBB and I were having a serious discussion over the difference:
A mug has a handle.
Yeah, well, a tea CUP has a handle.
A mug has a larger handle.
Oh nevermind, #4 wasn’t a dream. I get them all so confused. I need a totem….you know, like Leonardo Dicaprio’s metal spinning top in Inception….to distinguish reality from dreams. My totem would be…..a Ric Flair Squinkie. Except I don’t think they make a Ric Flair Squinkie so my second choice would be an elephant Squinkie. Squinkies start to look alike after a while but I’d be able to remember the one with hair:
As much as I loathe Squinkies, I love Squinkies. Anything in miniature I would happily hoard. Miniature things don’t take up a lot of room so it doesn’t really count as hoarding. The totem thing doesn’t make sense anyways. What happens if you dream about your totem?
What was I talking about….oh yeah, the mug vs. cup discussion. It was a pretty important discussion. Boo needed a three letter word for a picture that could have been a cup OR a mug. She couldn’t figure out which one to write. I told her she should write MUG but hedge her answer by adding a footnote for her teacher: just FYI, this could also be be a CUP. This exercise was very ambiguous. Boo decided to just make a decision that it was a mug. She’s a risk taker, plus she can’t spell the word “ambiguous.”
With her weekly homework packet Boo has to make up sentences with new sight words, so if “mug” is a sight word, I’m expecting: Is this a mug, yes or no?
Why yes Boo, I am tall. I am tall to you and to almost every human being. Except these people.
I’m glad we didn’t do the Elf on the Shelf in the bed idea. Then I’d have to tell you about it….that I slept with an Elf while Mr. LBB slept in the guest room…..or that Mr. LBB slept with an Elf…. I don’t think I’d ever live that down. Plus I can’t come up with an answer that wouldn’t be creepy or scary on how the Elf happened to move a grown adult to a new location in the middle of the night. It probably wouldn’t even be so scary to Boo as it would to me….I’ve watched too many horror movies about creepy toy dolls.
Boo wakes up every weekend morning and quietly wakes up Mr. LBB….never wakes me up. We thought that she might for once wake ME up and let Mr. LBB sleep in with the whole trading places thing. I heard her wake up about 7am and tiptoe into our room…..she came over to where I was faux-sleeping, paused, and then walked over to the other side of the bed where Mr. LBB was real-sleeping. She whispered to him: Why are you on this side? Can you wake up and come watch cartoons with me? She just associates Mr. LBB with waking up early. She associates me with staying up late (like 10pm is late). Her favorite thing to do right now at night is listen to stories about when I was her age or when she was a baby. I must be a good story teller to 5-year-olds because she always has a look of shock and awe on her face…..and I love the conversations that result:
Boo: Why did I cry when I was born?
Me: Probably because it was too bright…..you were so used to how dark it was in my tummy.
Boo: ….except for when you opened your mouth to let the light in, right?
Oh and newsflash, speaking of the White House, the White House is on Pinterest. Awesome….except that as of last night they only had ONE pin. Who goes on Pinterest and only pins ONE thing?
I will pin one thing…..and, spoiler alert, that one thing be my Christmas card!
I’m looking forward to the White House’s DIY board…….
Click here to read more “random LBB life” posts. (key word is random)