Pooping and the H Word

Disclaimer: This is an entire post about chemotherapy and pooping and dying. So if you don’t like to read about poop or death please move on. Thank you.

I somehow knew this day might come…..that I’d have to write the H word. I’ll write it later down the post so it isn’t the first thing that comes up. So, we all know I have pooping issues. Some of the chemotherapy drugs they pump me with have extreme pooping consequences. So bad…..my intestines just stop for a few days. Almost like they’ve died. The poop stops midway through my bowels. It’s not even like it’s CLOSE to the end. So I take cocktails of “smooth move” tea (thanks for the awesome tea Elaine!), stool softeners, Miralax, Swiss Kriss herbs, coffee, enemas…..anything to make pooping easier. I left a message for Dr. Y, my regular doctor, because I figure there’s not much that Dr. L, my oncologist, can do about it. I’ll let you know what she says.



So here it is…..I’m pretty sure I have an internal hemorrhoid. So not only am I constipated…..but it hurts to poop. Double whammy. I’ll look on the bright side though…..at least I still have the ability to poop right? The tumors aren’t touching my intestines yet! I make it a point never to strain on the potty because I have a few ways that I would prefer not to die:

1. Drowning
2. Fire
3. Heart attack on toilet

I’ve heard of #3 happening to people. So if I can’t poop with little effort…..I don’t poop.  I don’t want to strain my heart. It has to come out easily. Maybe it’s an urban legend that difficult pooping could lead to a heart attack, but I’m not taking any chances.

Ways to die that would be sad, but I’d be okay with:

1. In my sleep (I wouldn’t know)
2. A HUGE explosion (I’m talking HUGE, so it would be instant)
3. A sniper (They are typically pretty accurate with those scopes so I wouldn’t suffer)

I’m only writing about this so it might help someone else. I don’t truly get extreme joy out of writing about poop and hemorrhoids. Lord knows I talk about it 24/7 here at LBB but it’s different writing it down for the world to read about. HEY EVERYONE! LOOK AT ME! CONSTIPATION AND HEMORRHOIDS! If you happen to have severe constipation and hemorrhoids just wanted you to know that you aren’t alone.

Another thing, I’m willing to suffer for the lack of panty lines. I’m not giving up my thong underwear for this hemorrhoid. My Lululemon yoga pants are too cute to have granny panty lines.

As I’m writing this, Lisa just walked into work…..and I’m still sitting in my towel from showering. I didn’t realize I had a towel wrapped around my head….because the bald head must retain a lot of water right? Funny how you do things out of habit. I’m pretty sure I’ll have to fire her today…..I texted her to pick up a cake donut for me and she thought today was Thursday and that I was at chemo. So I have zero donuts right now. OMG….what if donuts cause hemorrhoids?!?

Have a wonderful hopefully-hemorrhoid-free day!



P.S. Lisa says everyone gets hemorrhoids….they just don’t talk about it.




  1. says

    Don’t like the H word – try using Piles – that’ll really confuse ’em!
    piles [paɪlz]
    pl n
    (Medicine / Pathology) a nontechnical name for haemorrhoids
    [from Latin pilae balls (referring to the appearance of external piles)]
    Collins English Dictionary – Complete and Unabridged © HarperCollins Publishers 1991, 1994, 1998, 2000, 2003

  2. says

    You are completely awesome! I am cracking up!!! NOt sure how I could adore someone so much I haven’t even met! I’m going to tell my girls that we need to pray for you to poop. They will crack up! Maybe I’ll record it for you! 😉

  3. Amy says

    I understand your predicament. I spent 7 weeks with this problem but fortunately mine was caused by 1st trimester. I wish yours was too :(

  4. Erynn says

    I just bought some “smooth move” for a cleanse. I giggled in the isle at the health food store. – Could it be a fissure?

  5. laurie says

    The show The Doctors talked about the H word a few weeks ago and what to do to get relief. Hope your doctor calls you back soon.

  6. says

    I know from experience that it’s very painful, pooping with hemorrhoids. And no, I’ve never talked about it. 😉 I had some huge ones after giving birth to my son last year. It took weeks before they were gone. (Sorry) Hope yours will disappear rather quick! Wish you happy pooping!

  7. Melanie says

    I started eating Sunsweet prunes,when I was pregnant with my son, and again when I had a 20cm, 4lb mass(peduculated fibroid) outside my uterus.
    They have lemon, and orange flavored. Stick the bag in the fridge, makes them chewy like candy. Believe me, they recommend 5 a day, you will have no problems, going after eating these. I hope this helps, I enjoy reading your blog, and pray, for a speedy recovery.

    Take care

  8. meghan says

    HI Lisa

    usually people don’t die from a heart attack on the toliet:) it usually a vasovagal synocope:) still not fun to be constipated.
    you are amazing.

  9. Andrea says

    haha, love laughing about poop in the morning :)

    fyi, I don’t think its the pooping that causes a heart attack, I’ve heard the heart attack gives people a sensation that they need to go.

  10. Erin Parker says

    Hey I have those issues too. At least your woman enough to talk about it. Keep your chin up girl, you are amazing.

  11. Meghan Jensen says

    Well I agree with just about everyone, except the one who needs to be slapped! You are amazing wether you poop or not and even when it’s about hemeriods. Your like the cute girl that burps and everyone thinks is so cute. I never had that. I fart and clear the room. :). Do you have to poop less because of the smoothies being absorbed differently and more fully? I wish I could help, I’m a two-three times a day pooper, and with ease. Slap me now, I deserve it. :) a neener neener was not meant to be heard when I said that! :). I will pray the donuts are not to blame! Love you, enjoy your day! And I’d give Lisa another chance! Thank Lisa for being such a good sport and friend, now go get her a donut, damn it! :)

  12. Angela Dillett says

    I just wanted to drop a note to let you know how much of an inspiration you are to everyone out there. I enjoy reading your posts. They bring emotion to my everyday life. Happiness, joy, laughter, tears. Thank you for keeping such a positive outlook to an unfortunate situation. You always look on the bright side of things! I really enjoy that! My mom was diagnosed with an anoxic brain injury when I was eleven yrs old after giving birth to my last (8th) sibling. She is left brain injured for the rest of her life. I am the oldest so I helped raise all of my siblings. An example of an unfortunate situation that we turned to look at the positive side of things. It brought our family closer… immediate and extended. We made many new friends to last a lifetime! I thrive on hearing situations like yours and it brings me great happiness seeing people stay positive on life. God never gives us things that He doesn’t think we can handle. Keep up the good work! You are doing great! Love, prayers, & many words of encouragement to you and your family. You are all truly an inspiration. God Bless! <3

  13. says

    Have you tried Apricot Nectar ? I works great under normal circumstances, I don’t know maybe with all you are going through your bodies rhythm has changed, I am sure it has so just keep the fluids high and hope it all comes out in the end . . .h a :-)

  14. says

    The humor you can put into any situation is amazing. Really it is! Just the joy you show for everyday life, no matter how challenging, is really uplifting. Praying for you tomorrow and friday, hope those chemo days go by quickly and you recover quickly, too!

  15. Elisha says

    I had horrible trouble with internal hemmroids while pregnant and ended up so constipated that it became a fissure, which is a tear from inside to outside, if you catch my drift. Wowza-talk about painful! Almost led to surgery, but God has the ability to heal me and I layed it in His hands. I am completely healed:) Anyways, what helped me with the pain is hemmroid suppositories. They work wonders!!! Helps shrink them internally and eases the pain. Hope this helps and God bless you & your family. Trust in Him:)

  16. angie says

    It’s true. We all get it and it’s like a BIG secret for some reason! I developed them when I had my second child….AHEM 20 months ago. They were SO bad for the first few weeks! Now they decide to revisit every so often. Like one day after my ice coffee it feels like I’m shitting out a rock. Niiiiceeee… Prep H wipes are awesome and so are the suppositories. HERE”S A TIP! put them in the fridge, TALK about relief!
    Also witch hazel is good.
    Best of luck with them and SITTING on a inflatable donut may take off some pressure…..

  17. Hillary says

    WARM (almost like hot tea temp.) Prune Juice! Seriously, I do a weekly cleaning…(too much info?…lol) and warming it up is the most important thing. For whatever reason cold or room temperature….nothing happens, warm…watch out. Haha! You can even find organic prune juice pretty easily.

  18. Heather H says

    I think it happens to the best of us. Sorry you’re having so many problems in the bowels department. The only side -effect I’ve ever had from any medication was from the percocet I was on after my c-section. I was stopped up for 6 days and it was horrible when I finally got to go…but at least it was just once…I hope all those things you’re taking start helping you!

  19. says

    hahaha you are awesome.
    The sniper thing got me. Too hilarious. And yeah, everyone gets them, especially if you’ve had a baby. It’s just part of life.
    Hope things get moving for you soon! 😉

  20. says

    So, yes, we ALL go through the H word at some time. Like a previous commenter, I much prefer the “English” use of the word piles in place of the H-word. And, definitely hope the doughnuts are not a factor for you! But, on the bright… or something side, when my dad was suffering with them a few years back, he got to sit on a doughnut. Granted, a different kind… but, that could be a fun way of looking at it. :)

    • says

      My English grandma used to get mad at us as teenagers when we used to hang out sitting on the sidewalk, or on the grass, she used to tell us that we would get piles if we didn’t come in out of the cold. (As a teenager I thought piles meant constipation through hardening stuff up down there through the cold – don’t judge!) I have to say hearing that piles are hemorrhoids makes her fear make even less sense to me, since who knows what sitting in the cold has to do with that?

      I got hemorrhoids during the last trimester of both my kids, and it took a little bit after their birth to spring back from them.


      melons are great for getting you moving, so maybe add some to your shakes?

  21. says

    I still have hemorrhoids from when I was pregnant. Chemo DEFINITELY didn’t help them. I got suppositories once to fix the internal ones, but never brought myself to do it. I probably should have. Oh well, maybe my detox will shrink them in. I wonder if that is even possible. Keep drinking that water!!! And you’re right not to strain. I used to and I bled a lot. Not smart. hugs!

  22. Beth Morrow says

    OMGOODNESS GIRL…YOU ARE TOOOOOO much! I mean that in the nicest way! Ok #1. You are going to live!!!
    #2. This constipation thing is temporary, drink, drink drink…like you don’t already do that right and I’ve been holding off on mentioning this last one, but hate to see you sabotaging your healing process so here I go…
    #3. SUGAR IS CANCER’s FOOD OF CHOICE…just sayin!
    Hope you have a great day and please don’t fire Lisa…we would miss her pretty face!
    Love ya,

  23. Nancy says

    Hi Ashley~wanted to give you my two cents:) guava nectar~in cans in the juice aisle and I agree with the prunes too~I agree warm is better for some reason:) Hope I helped a little:)

  24. Amy O says

    I also had this problem while preggo. I had such bad cramping from it that I ended up calling the dr’s nurse, thinking I might be in preterm labor. (I’m like you and HATE calling.) I was mortified to find out no…not labor, it was because I hadn’t pooped in a week. MORTIFIED! I’m surprised I didn’t change ob clinics after that so I didn’t have to show my face again! I’m sure the call is in my chart…right? Ugh. She recommended prune juice and adding grape nuts cereal. Both were disgusting compared to my pregnancy diet of KFC and double stuffed Oreo cookies (What? they said to eat what would stay down & that’s what did it, lol) but they worked. A shot or two of prune juice each day really did help. I feel for you–it’s no fun not to poop & you’re right, those wipes are awesome! Praying for poop today. :)

  25. Sara says

    not to brag, but I am a pro-problem-pooper!

    According to my doctor an internal “H” does not hurt, but fissures do. I thought I had H’s for a while, nope a fissure. Get checked by your regular doc, fissures won’t heal without help! Yoga breathing helps when you’ve got to go!

    Good luck and God bless!

  26. says

    Dude. Zofran is an evil/ awesome beast. A H and consto causing beast. Best remedied by donuts.

    Sniper… that wouldn’t suck. Especially if he was a sexy sniper.
    Who shot donuts.

  27. gina says

    HAHAHA SO FUNNY! I seriously have a doctors appt. with a specialist tomorrow for my hemorrhoids! I made this appt. like a month and a half ago but i have been suffering for “9 years” ! Mine were due to giving birth and they would always poke their ugly head out now and then but i was always tooooooo embarrassed to talk about it. Well since making the appt. i have done a few things differently because what i hear is the removal of them is EXTREMELY painful. There are 4 things to help your situation and they work for me so much that i am without pain and discomfort for the first time in years :-)

    1. baby wipes, don’t waste don’t money on prep h wipes and know toilet paper is your enemy!

    2. witch hazel, squeeze a little on a wipe and makes everything better. Really helps with inflammation and itching.

    3. Baby powder, you really need to keep the area clean and dry!

    4. Lastly this may be the most important one, when you have to pee don’t sit on the toilet you have to hover. All the pressure of you peeing so much is putting too much weight and strain on that area. Then when it is time to poop sit down but lean forward to help take some pressure off your bottom and plus it helps push things out.

    *** the prep h creams will make them worse over time, so don’t waste your money!
    I changed these things and within days i felt so much better!

    This may be TMI but i know what it is to suffer from “H” and i hate it!

  28. Judy says

    Chemo…pooping…and dying. Your post made me laugh…I too do not wish to die on the toilet (I always think of Elvis, dying on the pot) Life is way too short not to be able to laugh at any subject! Pooping especially! Except for when my grandson calls me from the bathroom, “Nana, I had to poop and pee, I didn’t make it.” He’s 4, his pants were pulled down with a big plop of watery poop on the bathroom rug. I didn’t laugh til later when I told my son-in-law the bath rug was wadded up in the garage, what I didn’t way was with a plop of poop in it! Now that’s funny! 😉

  29. says

    I got a hemerrhoid at the very end of my second pregnancy and it was big enough that I had it lanced – oooh talk about painful when the local anesthetic wore off! I delivered a week later and it hasn’t caused much trouble since. I always thought they developed over a period of days, but this thing just appeared one day, and not after straining or anything – just big and pregnant.

    I wish you all the best – thank you for sharing your life with us.

  30. Bree says

    Hahaha, I need the “I WENT POOP” Shirt! :) I seriously get way to excited when I finally get to go. My entire family makes fun of me, husband included. But he rejoices with me when I get to go. 😀 thanks for making me laugh Ashley.

  31. Toqua's Crafts says

    One thing I learned from the most awesome yoga instructor I ever had was to take your stomach muscles and move them in and out… if you’re laying on your back it would be like sucking in and pooching out your stomach muscles… what this does is massage you internal organs. I have to do this quite often in order to poop… no matter how much fiber I eat. You can do this while you’re on the toilet, walking around the house, laying in bed… … … There are many times when I’m sitting on the toilet I know I have to go, but just can’t, so I start this and do it while I’m reading a magazine, and before you know it I’m pooping!! It’s a great feeling!!

    I hope this helps!

  32. Kitty Schaefer says

    Well big LOL you are so funny, I hope all comes out ok. Praying tomorrow goes by fast for you :)

  33. says

    I have Hemorroids! After the kiddos were both born I didn’t get them at first but then a few months later… whammo one day I have internal ones.

    Best thing ever… hydrocortisone suppositories. Kick em’ quick.

    Hope things go smoothly for you! haha. poop joke. :)

    BTW – I love your blog. You’re awesome and it’s great to watch you kick cancer ass.

  34. name changed to protect the hemorrhoid ;) says

    I’ve totalllllly heard that about pooping on the toilet–that you can push too hard and BOOM! heart attack. Dead on the toilet…or maybe you fall off of it onto the floor. Either way, your butt wouldn’t be clean and that would be embarrassing…even if you are dead. 😉 Don’t poop hard!

    I found out that I had a hemorrhoid when I went in for a colonoscopy the year I turned thirty (family history). That wasn’t the best part of it all though…the best part was when I woke up DURING the colonoscopy and asked the doctor, “Is that my bunghole on the tv?” He said, “Yes, yes it is Beavis, now go back to sleep!” and the nurse gave me some more stuff in my i.v and I was out. When he came to check on me, he called me Beavis again and told me everything was a-okay and that I had a hemorrhoid. Great. Maybe your doctor could give you some of that stuff you have to drink for those–you’ll blow everything out for sure! Hope your bunghole gets some relief soon!

    I agree about the panty lines and Lululemon pants…you can’t have that!


  35. Just Want to Help says

    First off, I love your blog, I admire you being so open and personal. (obiviously I have a problem with this myself because I didn’t state my name, hence the admiration) But…as I was reading some of the other comments I wanted to share this.

    After the birth of my first child (>9lbs) I developed what I thought was a hemmeroid. I was literally WRITHING in pain everytime I went it was awful. This went on for 6 weeks until finally I couldn’t take it and told my doctor at my 6 week post partum visit. She got me an appointment with a proctologist. Which I jokingly told my husband, My gyno set me up on a blind date with a butt docotor, but really it was the worst experience of my life. Even though he knew it was probably just an anal fissure (as others have stated above) he still needed to CHECK! Anyway, he basically told me you get to keep it the rest of your life. GREAT! It will become enflamed at times and go away and the best thing was to avoid too hard and too soft pooping. It did go away with the help of colace. (and comes and goes depending on my diet) But, what I really want you to know is this:

    I was given a product after childbirth to ease the pain down under. It was called Dermoplast. That stuff is AWESOME. It helped me get through the pain of the fissure. You spray it on right before you go and it numbs the area.

  36. Psalm 139:13-16 says

    “For you formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb. I will praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well. My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, The days fashioned for me, When as yet there were none of them.”

  37. Robin says

    Thank goodness they make the hemorrhoid ring in the shape of a donut, just think of the bedazzling you could do to that! I see a trend about to start.

  38. Jamie says

    I feel your pain… literally! I have had hemorrhoids since I was 17!! They run in our family , how gross is that! I have been hearing hilarious stories since I was wee, mostly about uncontrollable itchiness. Thank you for your honesty and sharing your experience, your blog/website has truly opened my life up and I sincerely thank you for that. Sending positive pooping energy your way!

  39. Teefanny says

    Hey Ashley,
    OK, after this post you are kin to me….as if you weren’t before!! I just forwarded this to my friend and wrote, “OK, so yes, this is the chic I have a pretend friendship with….” In our circle of friends we share every little tidbit and nasty detail of our bodily functions, and even recently discussed hemorrhoids and why nobody mentioned that most women come out of childbirth with something described as raisins on what I like to refer as their “One Eye.” Oh well, just another “badge” of motherhood, I guess! As always, thanks for sharing.

  40. Sarah says

    ok…I’ve never commented on a blog. I am a lurker but you said it so let’s be honest. I just got over this. I got mine from labor with my 3rd kiddo. Too much pushing from a non-medicated home birth. I was terrified of them as well. My midwife wrote me a scrip for Anucort-HC 25 MG. Here’s the kicker – it’s a suppository. Now whoever thought that up wasn’t really thinking. It already hurts and you want me to do what? where? I was terrified to even try it but I couldn’t handle the H’s. finally I did and I’ll tell you what, I’ll never use that over the counter preparation H again. This stuff was a miracle. I’m thinking your doctor might just write you a scrip for anything. Well I’d ask for that. I don’t know about the constipation and this but maybe it would help kill two birds with one stone – you know- so to speak :) Hope it gets better soon!

  41. kathryn says

    You will certainly have more than enough cures for this problem today. 2 yrs ago, I was diag with stage IIIC colon cancer. I had surgery to remove the cancer. It was at the sigmoid area. You know this, but it’s the part that looks like the roller coaster part in the sink drain. I was selected to be one of the patients who never regained my ability to “go” normally. Impaction (terrible…the last time, well, suffice it to say, not good). I was told I needed an ileostomy. I refused and came home to read about ileosotomies. You can STILL!!?! have constipation with an ileostomy…so why would I want to do this surgery? why?!? I have taken every single stool softener on the market (am going to buy the tea you mentioned today…I’ve wondered if it was effective or not). I have Swiss Kriss. I have a national healthfood/Walgreens here. Everyone is so different. What works for one will not work for the other. That said, I take Miralax and senna, alternating. Every single day. Drinking lots of water and juices. I have “major production days”…stay home and at the ready. Other times, it’s simply “fits and starts”. All drs have told me (to date) and after some rather disgusting and ultra humilitating tests. My colon does not work. All? some? Who knows? But the muscles are not working. I see another dr in March. I don’t like taking 10 people’s word for something. Surely, someone has a better idea than an ileostomy. surely. The more cooked vegetables the better. Pears, apples, dried apricots, steel cut oats and chia seeds. (all I could think of was chia pets…). As the person wrote above…we are fearfully & wonderfully made. Constipation/hemmoroids are lousy. Both make you feel so sick, so tired. I even tried a form of yoga, slapping my abdomen….I won’t do that again. It may work for some…but had bad things afterward. “The experts all say”…’answer the call to go immediately. Do not wait.” I was a “wait till I get home person’. I don’t do that anymore. I carry air freshner (those tiny bottles) and hit the restroom. Like you – I’ve thought I was going to die on the toilet. Not Elvis. please. (at least that was the rumor). My heart races, I have no air. I know. I am so sorry. It’s not cancer – it’s the treatments and the side effects. I am allergic to chemo; they finally found 2 enzymes after nearly dying in 2010, a few months past surgery and early chemo. They poured gallons of stuff into me to “go”. I did – for over 2 wks. Then came to a sudden stop. It’s been better with ‘the recipe’ but I do know this cannot go on indefinitely. But I take today. Live it, rest on bad days and stay vertical. Vertical is very good after l 1/2 yrs of a more horizontal POV. I do ‘feel your pain’ and frustration….I too spoke out about pooping etc. People do not realize what a great gift it is when orafices are working at 100%. It’s another thing to give thanks for! Best, kathryn

  42. Amy says

    You really do make my day fun! Thank you for the laugh…sorry it is always at your expense.

    Love Ya and I will be praying for a large log!

  43. says

    Someone may have already mentioned this, but it could also be an anal fissure. I know….way TMI here, but it’s more of a tear. It can heal, but takes longer when struggling with constipation. They may be able to offer you some suppositories to help with the healing though. So sorry you are dealing with this. All of it! Big hugs to you! Also….if you’ve never tried a bidet….get one! This will offer some serious relief in “that area” too! 😉

  44. says

    Dont feel bad ive had external and internal H’s for the last couple months. they are no bueno. Ive been eating fiber plus cereal and bars and those seem to help a little.

    I pray you to have a easy poo soon!

    btw. you are hilarious, now that i think about it a sniper or huge explosion would be an ok way to go.

  45. Colleen Kozicki says

    I know you are into juicing right now. I’ve heard that for Constipation Relief you could try a Smoothy 1 ripe pear 1/2 cup watermelon chunks 1 tbsp blueberries.
    The other thing I’ve heard works for a lot of people is a jelly is called Lansoyl . You can buy it over the counter at Walmart in the Pharmacy area. You can put it on a muffin or fill a doughnut with it(hee hee) it is not really to bad tasting and gentle enough to use on kids. I have never suffered from hemorrhoids but have a lot of friends who do. I’ve heard that the best thing for it is…vit E oil(apply right to the area). Hope some of this helps you I know bowel stuff is so hard to deal with.

  46. says

    nah, you don’t get hemorrhoids from donuts, you need a (butt) donut if you have hemorrhoids! I busted my tailbone once and had to sit on a donut, it was embarrassing to carry around the inflatable pillow to sit on!
    LOL at granny panties lines.
    hope you chemo goes well tomorrow. sending positive thoughts your way!

  47. Sheila says

    *snort* Lisa is totally right. Before my miscarriage my most intense symptom was constipation, I told my husband I was terrified of hemorrhoids and he was like “Dude, I had one last week. Get over it.” AND THEN he tells me he’s had them like at least 4 or 5 times in his life, most of them while we were married! I had no clue. Apparently spousal privilege doesn’t extend to hemorrhoids. lol

  48. Kristina says

    After being on strict bedrest for 3 months from pre-eclampsia with my first child and then the C-section, I had major pooping issues. One of my Nurse friends gave me a cocktail remedy I swear by and the only thing that worked. First, drink a cup of warm, hot coffee and immediately chase with a glass of prune juice. Guarantee!

  49. Bellen says

    Eat those 5 prunes, then drink the Smooth Move tea – should work. Also, putting Prep H or Tucks on ice before using – feels really good !!

    Praying for you – poopiness, happiness and wellness

  50. ChrissyCollins says

    I just wanted to say that I love reading your post everyday… I was diagnoised with ALL (leukemia) on Dec. 29, 2011. And just released from the hospital last week. I love how you choose joy because everyday that has been the same choice I have had to make. Through all of this it really does make me appreciate what I have. Thank you for sharing what you are going through because it really helps me get through a similar situation. May God bless you and your family with health wealth and happiness all the days of your life. You and your family are in my prayers….. And I’ll say an extra one for some easy poop… Lol… Have a wonderfully blessed day….

  51. Roed says

    Girl have you heard of vaseline balls? Essentially you take small globs of vaseline and freeze them. Then you roll them into little balls and dust with powdered sugar. Then you take them like a pill. Supposed to work for high colon issues. I had a fissure after baby #3 but I had the opposite problem of the constipation so I never tried them myself. Having had several H as well as the fissure I know the pain and it helps to know you’re not alone! Rock on, sister

  52. says

    Laughing my butt off just reading your post! I love how real you are being. Most people & myself included just suffer in silence. How sad, I don’t have the way with words that you do, to take a seemingly difficult issue Like: pooping, and turn it into something we all relate to at one time or another & make us all laugh about it! Sometimes laughing until we cry! You are truly an inspiration to ME and so many more that feel like we know you but haven’t ever met in person. You are amazing which I’m sure you know & have been told so many times before! But I wanted to personally tell you how inspiring you are to ME! Thank you so much for sharing your life with us all so that we too can choose Joy instead of fear to rule our lives! THANK YOU SO MUCH!

  53. Megan says

    OH, well just so you know this happened to me years ago. Like internal hemmorhoids (they’re so fun!) and horrible pooping issues. Not pregnant, no cancer, just couldn’t ‘drop the kids off at the pool’ as my husband likes to call it. (EW. I married him regardless). One day I decided it was time to see my doctor about my issue… my sweet trustworthy family doctor who I wouldn’t mind discussing this with. It took me a while just to get the nerve up to make the appointment because I was mortified to do so. What happened, you ask? I’ll tell you what happened, my damn sweet family doctor was out sick for the day and into the examining room walked the HOTTEST MALE INTERN to discuss my ‘problem’. Since there was no way I was about to A) drop trou for this gorgeous person or B) sit (stand?!?) through examination and subsequent discussion of my poop issues I did what any sane person would do. Red-face, I grabbed my bag, faked-a-call to my iphone, answered it and went tearing out of the office muttering something like “MY CAR IS ON FIRE”. It may not have been the best/most truthful tactic but it sure worked in a pinch. From then on, I forced myself to eat Metamucil and drink gallons of water every day just so I’d never have to go back to the office again. Problem solved. Maybe your intestines need a hot (Bradley Cooper-esque) intern to scare the poop out of you? Just a thought.

  54. Jennifer says

    Doctors can’t do anything about anal fissures… BUT, H… they can. After my second child, I went to a proctologist, and had mine removed. Simple office visit, best thing I ever did. Embarrassing, yes. But, those guys are pros.

  55. Summer says

    Two things worked for me when every other over the counter and prescription thing didn’t work during my chemo-induced constipation phase. Everyone is different, but maybe one of these would help you out…

    Renew Life Ultimate Flora Super Critical 200 Billion… super super strong probiotic, finally got things running again. I was headed toward surgery for a severe fissure and bleeding (due to the constipation) and this stuff saved me. After I finished the 7 days with this, I switched to the 50 billion.

    Fig syrup… popular European constipation remedy that worked pretty well for me. I think prunes work for the same reason.

    Good luck! I’ve been there and it is not a fun place to be.

  56. says

    Ok…. this is a funny one also.. but it works for me… If I am having problems while I am sitting on the thrown :) I stretch my arms as high as I can… and keep stretching… one arm going higher than the other… back and forth.. my daughter laughed at me… but she did it. good luck

  57. whitney says

    Oh I feel your pain! Literally! Had the “H” with all three. With the last one they clotted after delivery and had to be cut and drained twice. And to think I was so happy that I didn’t tear during delivery… I would give birth a thousand times over with no drugs than have “H” pain like that again.
    My two cents, proctofoam. Works for internal and external. Only thing that worked for me with an acute flare up.
    And on another note, you are so amazing! Thanks for being such a great example to keep a positive attitude!

  58. says

    As a Crohn’s patient I know exactly how you feel when it comes to pooping. Some days it seems it’s all I talk about. I use to carry around the preparation H with cooling relief in my purse… never know when you need it. :)

    I love your attitude and you’re last part of your post. It made me smile and snicker. :)

    Good luck and I’ll be praying for you each and every day!!

  59. Maryann says

    thank you so much! thank you for talking about stuff that isn’t easy to talk about, but that plagues a lot of us. thank you for helping others to know that they aren’t alone, even though it’s embarrassing and uncomfortable. and I know that you didn’t want to have hemorrhoids, but here you are, accepting them with your usual humor and grace. that brings me some kind of weird sense of peace, which i see as a miracle, so thank you once again for being used of God to help others, especially me!! love you!!!!!

  60. Jennifer says

    LOL!! You’re hilarious! I appreciate your openness . If it grosses somebody out, they don’t have to read it. It’s your blog, after all! 😉 I read your blog sporadically before all of this began, but I have to admit that in a way, I enjoy reading it more now. Of course, I would much rather that you weren’t dealing with all of this, so please don’t take that the wrong way. I only mean that I believe you’re setting a wonderful example of “choosing joy” during one of the most (the most?) difficult moment(s) of your life. It feels like we’re all friends supporting you through this. I wish I could give you a real hug!

  61. says

    Bless your heart! I’ve had these problems all of my life. I started using mineral oil, and oh gosh, what a difference. It has no taste, and it only takes a little – normally. No cramping like laxatives.
    Praying for you.

  62. Keri Crowell says

    I don’t have any tips on how to make you poop easier. However, I have a lil H problem myself and the best thing in the world to have on hand when they flare is Balneol lotion. You put some on your toilet tissue and us it to wipe with. Soothes and cleans without the pain!
    Sorry about your “H”s!

  63. Abi says

    Hi, you’re lucky to have an internal hemorrhoid, I have an external hemorrhoid that I develop after my son was born. I was soooo constipated that it suck, well I went with my obg and ask her will this ugly thing disappear? She said uhhhhmmm!! I ask myself then what the heck she mean by that. Now I now 3 years later I still have the thing.

  64. says

    3 pregnancies and natural childbirths and I am pretty free to talk about haemorrhoids, fissures, rectocoeles…you name the issue, I am familiar with it. So I have no problem at all with talking about piles and donuts before lunch.

    I wish you heaps of comfortable pooping.

  65. Kathy O says

    This is the best fix and best tasting for pooping issues. I made this mistake twice and boy did it work both times. Sugar Free Gummie Bears. They have Mannitol in them. In fine print says may have a laxative effect. Mind you very small print. I ate those things and it was like having a bowel prep. Ate like a big handful. No cramps… Just poop and poop and poop till there’s nothing left. The no cramps is the amazing part. The 3rd. time I made this mistake was ordering the light smoothie in the airport. Flying from Tampa to San Fran. That thing hit me about 1 hour into the flight, and yes I was wearing white pants. Can’t imagine I made it from one coast to the other with a whole wad of toilet paper wadded up in my white pants. Ash… you put a smile on face everyday. &-)

  66. Cary G says

    Ashley –

    The only thing I can say is – HEMMROIDS SUCK!

    Oh – and I love the smooth move tea!

    I think about your story a lot. And pray for you each night!

    Your positive point of view is awesome – I could really learn something from you.


  67. lorraine says

    Try a few drops of Cypress oil, in a dilution of almond/jojoba oil, massage into the small of the back by Mr LBB / or 5 drops in a warm bath……THOSE PILES WILL SHRINK!!!!!!!!!!!

  68. says

    God you are funny, Ashley!

    And yes, there are lots of things that happen to lots of people that NOONE talks about. Brava to you for getting right in there.

    During another type of long, drawn out treatment, I discovered that magnesium citrate capsules work wonders. Wonders! You can check with your team – my understanding is can’t hurt, might help. A lot.

    Here’s hoping…



  69. Kelly says

    Ashley, I am sure you get TONS of recommendations for all kinds of things that people think will be useful to you. I work for a local Chiropractor/Acupuncturist and we do a lot of nutritional work with people. When they are experiencing the same difficulty that you are having we have them take a product called Oxypowder (http://www.oxypowder.com/) It is amazing, safe, and gentle. Check it out!

  70. says

    I have been following and living with your during your time of trial. I cried during your haircut, I sit with your during your chemo treatments, I laugh with you at your view of life. I am the “other mother” that prays for you and your family. It is refreshing to have someone take what we all will experience at some point in our lives (illness and its side effects) and make us face up to it. I like your attitude. It’s not “why me?”, but rather “why not me?” Thanks

  71. DD says

    I used to work with folks who had perpetual trouble pooping, and we had a massage therapist who taught us massage techniques to encourage pooping. I can tell you that abdominal massage techniques work quite well for constipation.

  72. SoShawna Gray says

    HILARIOUS! This is the kind of conversation my sisters and I have….and it’s cracking me up to read it here! And the towel…oh man. Thank God for people like you who write so honestly. You make dull days so much brighter!

  73. LeAnn says

    So sorry you are going thru this. My dad had the same problem. His Dr gave him colace to use. That and a cup of coffee worked wonders – if you know what I mean. Praying for you.

  74. Paula says

    Oh Ashley, I never had an “h” or any of the problems that come with not being able to poop. I work in a factory that produces pressure assist toilets…the poop jokes are made all the time. We don’t just go to the bathroom at work, we are “product testing”. I personally spend way more time than the average person spends in the restroom, and I have never had to experience the problems you and all these other girls have had. Had a baby, 22 years ago and the nurse thought I was lying about not having a hemorrhoid. She checks and nothing was there. Ummmm, HELLO. If I could take this problem for you, I would…in a heartbeat. Much love from Michigan!

  75. says

    I was told to take Colace at night and then drink something hot in the morning – either coffee or tea and that was the way to get things moving. I did that every night during some constipation issues. The first day was horrible and really painful – lots of straining, but it has to come out, right? I’m getting REALLY personal here, but if you need to lube up with some vaseline, it helps – seriously.

  76. Beth Morrow says

    Gosh…so many remedies…who knew…ok so I have one more that really works like a charm…APPLE CIDER VINEGAR! A swig straight or mixed w a little water first thing in the morning and then get ready…I use Mrs. Bragg’s..
    Happy Pooping sweetie.
    Praying for you tomorrow and that this works for you!
    Love ya,

  77. Sarah McDougall says

    In UK…Hemorrhoids = piles = Farmer Giles (rhyming slang)

    Sorry to hear your Farmer Giles are giving you bother, hope your back in motion tomorrow!

  78. says

    I so enjoy reading your posts, Ashley. I began with piles when I was a teenager which developed into H after having my 2nd child. Have dealt with them since then & sure not a fun experience. In Nov 2010, I was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer and had half my colon & part of my intestines removed. Have been having chemo ever since & will have to continue forever. Since my surgery, whatever I eat goes right through me so no more constipation. However, loose stools aren’t much easier on the H either. I use Prep H moist tissues all the timje.

    I so enjoy your positive outlook and can relate to so much of what you talk about. Especially liked when you talked about phantom hair (I also have that). I’m keeping you in my prayers to have a good poop! Love ya sweetie!

  79. says

    Oh Ashley. I feel your pain. When you get to my age, I don’t think there is a part of the body that doesn’t get “hit” with something!!! I too suffer from “H”, kidney stones, and “a colon reduction.” (that is my only plastic surgery) Well, you have to lose some weight when giving up part of your intestines, Right?
    I always had a fear of a plane crashing and I was on the toilet! I can hear the reporters. ” And one of the victims was found half dressed on the toilet with blue water all over her!!! ” We had a realtor that “died on the toilet”. I don’t remember what relatives die from, but I remember a 30 year old death on the toilet!! Poor guy. I will now add this body part to my list to pray for you. Don’t ever change. Tell it like it is. You help inspire and crack me up every day.

  80. Stephanie says

    Girl, I feel your H pain! I have had them off and on for years as the result of pregnancy and heredity. I got this great suff on drugstore.com called Nupercreme or something like that….way better than Prep H. And the best thing for the pain, especially at night, ICE! I would take one of those small jelly filled freezer things, wrap it in an old bit of t shirt and stick it you know where. Sounds crazy, but it felt so much better! And I want to say I NEVER get caught up with blogs, but I genuinely care about you. God is working through you and your strength is a real testimony to Him. You are in my prayers!

  81. Meghan Grace says

    Oh goodness, I’m sure that Lisa is right….we all have issues but no one ever says anything. I had the “pleasure” of dealing with “the big H” when I was 7 months pregnant with my son. We took a 6 hour car trip to his sister’s house and along the way, “things” got more and more uncomfortable-if you know what I mean-and it sounds as though you do! I took warm baths and that helped but CRAP, nothing was ever the same “down there.”. 14 years later those nasty buggers STILL rear their ugly heads-especially after a cheese eating fest and I am back in pain again. The Prep H smells gross but does heal the owies. We all love you and sooo don’t want you to hurt, Ashley but this post really did make me giggle! Hugs and here’s to pooping!

  82. Jen says

    My mom would have these issues too durning chemo. I convinced her to take probiotics daily and it has helped.. I even taken them daily just because it keeps everything healthy in that area.. Just ask at your local health food store or walgreens even. Good luck!!

  83. mara t says

    i know!! (hodkins 4 years ago) – it would sit there mid – bowel. it was the strangest thing – with everything else – are you kidding! your posts are great – i never told anyone except immediate family – we just moved to a new neighborhood, and just had a baby – and i wore that stupid wig everywhere, never took it off, until finally my husband sat me down and said – the wig has to go – you look ridiculous (b/c it was sitting randomly ontop of my head with my hair growing underneath.
    and the Adriamycin – that one sucks – i still can’t look at anything red- like fruit punch without getting a little queasy – or read the word w/o getting queasy!

  84. says

    You make me laugh, I have never spoken to anyone about the H word even though my husband talked about it with his friend! Pure betrayal! I think of you often and glad I found your site.

  85. says

    Gah… yeah, chemo poop is the worst. I have spent many hours crying on the toilet. It sounds like you’re doing all the right things though… drinking lots of water, the miralax, enemas, just keep doing what you’re doing. Add in some Colace too as a stool softner if you aren’t taking that already. Have you tried the stuff that tastes sort of like syrupy Sprite? I can’t think of the name of it right now, but it works well too. Oh, and if you don’t like prunes, baby food plums or prunes are pretty tasty! :)

  86. orietta says

    Hi Ashley,

    You are too funny! I hate hemmorhoids, had them when I was on bedrest. I couldn’t take it when I was pregnant, and you would have to check with your MD’s, but there is this Chinese herbal tea that I take when I have pooping issues. I get it at my grocery store in the asian food section. It has senna in it. It takes a few hours to work but when it does, look out. No pushing involved. Good luck!

  87. Jeannie says

    I have SEVERE constipation and I am on meds for it. But I also drink a glass of warm water before bed and a good stool softner helps!! Good luck to you:-)

  88. Bianca says

    Omg brownies to help you poop. I am so in!! Im super sensitive to pain meds so I can relate (a little). The H are awful. Motherlove makes an ointment. You can get it at whole foods or online. It helps. That and the tucks pads (or just witch hazel and cotton balls or cotton pads). So sorry. I hope everything starts moving soon.

  89. Bianca says

    Oh and prune juice is actually fairly tasty when it’s served warm. Might go
    Well with a sprinkle donut.

  90. Tami D. in Ohio says

    You are definitely not alone! …those wipes you posted the picture of are my best friend — seriously, I have a total panic attack if I um, need to make a “deposit” and don’t have my trusty friends nearby. Love and prayers! :)

  91. Kelley says

    Oh Ashley, you make me laugh! I just love how you keep it real:) You are not alone!!! Praying for you :)

  92. lisa jack says

    I thankfully have never experienced those lil nightmares. I do however strain to um poop …. not too hard though. I also tend to go a few days between. Coffee always works for me, which I SO appreciate!!!
    Good luck…I hope someone on here gives you some great advice!

  93. Jessica says

    I read almost every comment, and I can’t believe no one mentioned EPSOM SALT. My hubby had internal Hs (eventually surgically removed), and this was the only thing that brought him relief. You dissolve the epsom salt in warm water and sit in it. You could do this in your bath tub, but(t) we used a large basin/bin for cleanliness and so he could use a smaller amount of water. Whatever works for you, I just hope you find relief soon!

  94. says

    Truth! We all get them. And, I also have a heck of a time pooping sometimes. Thanks for being so honest with us. It’s so refreshing!

  95. Jennifer says

    Yep. Everyone gets them. There’s a prescription called Procto-Foam (no joke) that works wonders.

  96. says

    He he. It’s true, they don’t talk about it. I didn’t really know anything about hemorroids until my first pregnancy. I called my mom yelling that something was really wrong with my butt. She still dies of laughter when we recall that memory!

  97. Valerie says

    Growing up my best friends sister was nicknamed hemorrhoid… her dad’s polite way of calling her a pain in the ass.

    on a more serious note… 4 kids. roids with all of em… sitz bath is your friend. witch hazel wipes bring relief too. Ready for some serious TMI? Leave one in your bum cheeks (witch hazel wipes, that is) right against the roids.

    Sweet mercy. This conversation is crazy. So um, how’s the weather?

  98. says

    The 48 hours of labor, 3 hours of pushing and ultimately a c-section provided me with weeks of constipation, hemorroids, and something else which will not be named. I had no one to talk to about it and thank god my doctor was so nice and compassionate. More of us should talk about it and unite in our poop issues!! Ha!! Love the honesty – trust me, you’ll help a lot of us come out of the woodwork and fess up :)

  99. says

    POOP! THERE IT IS! POOP! THERE IT IS! *starts to dance then thinks about what I’m about to dance to*

    Hubby has the big H. Used Prep H and it actually made things a lot worse for him. Tucks works nice. Witch hazel has been a God-send to him. I need to tell him that belly trick (breathe in, honey. Now breathe out. ) He takes a lot of hot baths with Epsom salts. That seems to help. I put Benefiber in everything he eats or drinks.

    You know, you sit on a donut when you get the big H, don’t you? There’s something ironic in that, too. 😀

    Oh! and the only person I’ve heard of dying on the toilet was Elvis. That could be an urban legend, too, but hey! Never take a chance with the poop!

  100. Cheryl says

    People can actually poop without straining? Who knew!

    Hope you have a good day tomorrow at chemo and you get to poop.

    Maybe Lisa will get you one of those donut rings to sit on so your H won’t hurt!

  101. Barbara Solano says

    OMG U R Hilarious….!!!!!!!!!!!!! The poop chronicles…!!!! Imagine being eight months preggers and hemorrhoids the size of golf balls and surgery w/o anesthetic!!!!! Yep…sat in the tub for days eating all my meals…..the after surgery was worse….!!! Couldn’t leave the hospital until…Yep….I pooped!!!! No one knew how to help me so I suggested alternating Fleets phosphate soda enemas with mineral ones….it worked!!!! You will overcome!!!!! XOXOXOXOXO…oh and BTW…Elvis died on the potty………..he’s the only one I know about…..

  102. Meredith M. says

    Awesome! Constipation is no fun and yes, most everyone has had hemorrhoids at one time or another. And if you are a mom, I would say we have been through much more embarrassing situations than the H word. Once you give birth, I have always said there isn’t much that will embarrass me anymore. Hope you are feeling ok.

  103. says

    I had a bunch of H’s while on a chemo like treatment last year. I started using miralax everyday it helped a little but it was really nice when they come out soft :)

    Call the doctor and get some prescription cream it helps a WHOLE LOT. They have pain med and med to shrink the hemorrhoid in the cream.

    You and your family has been in my prayers :)

  104. Sara says

    I’ve never commented on your posts before even though I love them. I have to this time — I bought a house once where the previous owner died on the toilet. Not kidding. I understand that sometimes a heart attack is accompanied with a poop. Don’t know which one came first for that guy, BUT he did die on the toilet and from a heart attack. There — you can feel justified in your concerns. Love you and pray for you often.

  105. Cindy E. says

    Careful, you might have to start sitting on donuts!

    Hope everything “comes out” ok, Ashley. Btw, pooping seems to be a favorite topic in my family. I don’t know what that says about us, but some of our biggest laughs have been over poop.

  106. Lori Nielsen says

    So let me add to the MILLION “try this to poop” that I’m sure you get daily. But I’ll bet you are willing to try almost everything, right?!

    Get fresh flax seed and grind it up in a coffee grinder… take it a couple times a day sprinkled in juice or in food (burrito :). My mom has a HUGE problem with this and drinks warmed up prune juice. She swears it’s the only thing that works. I swear by ground up flax and one or two 500m of magnesium a day. They work GREAT for me. I would give them a try with the flax and drink some prune juice. GOOD LUCK!

  107. holly says

    my daughter quit pooping when she was a toddler. she got constipated and had a painful bowel moement. After this happened, she held it all in. a nightmare for 2 years. The only thing i could get to work was pear juice. The pear juice in the baby section.

  108. Christy says

    I have IBS, so I am NEVER EVER constipated. BUT. This week I was, for 4 days. I thought I was going to die. I am not joking. I feel your pain sister! I’ve been drinking milk and eating fruit ever since to make sure it never gets clogged again. (I usually avoid them!)

  109. Ashley beasley says

    There are only a few things worse than pooping with an internal hemorrhoid:
    1. Ripping off own finger nail
    2. Waking up with all sensation during surgery
    3. Sex after child birth (this is what I’m currently experiencing) OUCH!

    I gave birth almost 5 months ago and after being home for a few days I seriously contemplated sewing up my own butthole. Maybe I could just become a belimic and throw up all my food, and as much as I hate puking, that wasn’t as bad as pooping. One time my hubby walked in during this painful, nonpleasent experience. I’m sure it’s a sight he will unfortunately never forget. Eyes crossed, face beat red, my arms stretched out with my hands on the wall. My concentration was broken by this voice, “are you okay”? When I uncrossed my eyes to see his frightened face I screamed GEEEEEEEET OOUUUUUT!!! He almost ran directly into the door he moved so fast. He wasn’t sure if he should call 911 or pretend nothing happend. I can laugh about this embarrassing moment only because I’m back to not hating poop time any more. Hang in there. Just remember this too shall pass! Love and prayers to you and llb! Thanks for letting me in your daily life!!!

  110. Christy says

    Oh, and DRINKING epsom salts will whoooooosh through those bowels and intestines faster than you can drink the glass of it, and take anything along for a ride in it’s path. Beware, it tastes DISGUSTING.

  111. says

    My son has cerebral palsy which effects all his muscles and the colon is a muscle. He suffered from severe constipation since birth. Best thing I found was a product named Fruiteze. It is a fruit jam type product and works wonders. I also learned how to massage his stomach to help activate his intestines. These two things worked miracles for us. I hope you find relief soon. I love your blog. You are gorgeous with and without hair. Keep fighting! Prayers for your healing.

  112. Charlotte says

    Lisa is right! And I almost fainted a few months ago, when I was pregnant, when I looked “down there” with a mirror! Good luck and don’t strain!

  113. Ellie says

    Just thought I’d ease your mind. You only die of a “pooping” heart attack if you’re REALLY old and have to STRAIN a POOP in the MIDDLE of the night!! HA HA!! You’re tooo funny!!!

  114. Silvia says

    In case no one has told you yet: if pooping hurts, try using vaseline, a lot of it. Sorry, it’s gross, but it’s the thing I found most useful.

    Anyway the world population divides in two groups: those who have haemorrhoids ans those who will have them.

    Good luck with that one!

  115. Rasonda says

    Hi Ashley! Found your website through a post at “tatertots and jello”. Looove your blog… and after reading only three posts I now love you {is that creepy?? haha!!}. Anyways, you seem to have an amazing soul. Love your humor and strength. I also love your creativity. You are an inspiration. New follower!!

  116. Silvia says

    Oh and try Gatorade or other sport drinks with sweeteners, they also favour the going to the toilet bit.

  117. Amy says

    first rule of hemorrhoid club: don’t talk about hemorrhoid club :) i actually got them after giving birth to my first daughter. so i was busy healing from the massive tear she blessed me with, peeing was painful, then whammy: mr. hemorrhoid shows up and i just can’t relieve myself. ever. i feel for you, lady. go get yourself a cake donut and enjoy your day :)

  118. Brigett C. says

    You are such a blessing to us!! You always try to see humor in the darkest places!!! Also a little secret, if the hemmoroid pads get too rough use witch hazel on a cotton ball. And go get your donut girl!!

  119. Misty says

    I have a rec…seriously consider it. I have extensive “issues” and damage related to a colon that ceased to function while pregnant (2 times). I am a veggie BUT eat fiber gummies non stop and they help more than anything I have used…fibersure, metamucil, miralax, 50% fiber bars etc. And if you do have internal damage, some drs prescribe a mix of nitro heart meds compunded into a salve with lidocaine and sometimes other meds. You apply it topically. It increases blood flow and can bring more relief that the H wipes.

  120. Andrea Beshuk says

    What helps us poop (I can’t believe I’m even saying this)….
    OK I’ll rephrase.
    Something healthy and wonderful came our way when a friend of ours gave us a Living keifer culture. It grows in a mason jar on our counter or fridge filled with two things: the keifer culture itself and organic milk (or whole milk)
    We have to take care of it about everyday or little linger stints if its in the fridge:
    we dump it into a strainer over the sink
    then we press on the culture while its in the strainer to “squeeze” out the Keifer milk. we use it to make smoothies.
    It restores good bacteria to your colon…. and helps tremendously.

    One thing: store bought keifer, or freeze dried keifer is not the same. I imagine youre getting tons of advise this go around….
    Hope you get some great ideas that WORK!

  121. says

    At first I thought you were going to write about….. no… but then… ah, yes! A much funnier subject. Pumpkin seeds. I thought about you after I ate raw green pumpkin seeds, Ashley because well the AFTER effects. You would probably like them. :) Pooping and pain stinks. Not being able to poo makes everyone miserable. Writing about well, you are pure comedic genius!

  122. Christina says

    Hey Ash I read your blog last year and had some health issues in the family and stopped for a while, few days ago I stumbled upon it again. I just wanted to say I’m so sorry about what’s going on. I’m praying for you! And few things that might help in your situation that you might want to look into. First is Vit C infusions, if you can find an alternative health clinic in your area they usually work with a lot of chemo patients and work along with your traditional therapy. It will be very very good for your immune system. Than you can also look up Gerson therapy, I know you do the juicing but you can get fun recepies of various juices from their book. Another thing is Immunocal look it up, it’s a natural suplement that raises up your gluthatione levels ( found only in raw milk) Also the chemo is hard on your liver I’m sure so Milk Thistle ( I drink maximum milk thistle) is very very good to cleanse the liver when it’s working so hard to process all the stuff they also give it to cancer patients. And last thing that is a great detox from chemo side effects are Chlorella and spirulina. It was given to post Chernobyl victims and those that were given these two sups recovered much better from radiation. Please look all these things up. And sorry….I don’t have any remedies for hemmiroids.

  123. Rebecca says

    You are too funny!!! Thank you for continuing to write often, when I’m sure you don’t sometimes feel like it. You brighten so many people’s day… xo

  124. Amy Rose Baldridge says

    In regards to the H word…. My cousin showed me the video of her giving birth to her first child. I was horrified to find out that the smooth, hairless, perfect head I saw was actually the H that had showed up while she was pushing…. Haaaawwwwkward!

  125. andrea says

    you are too funny, you are delightful, thanks for sharing, sending you hugs!

  126. Luann says

    Ashley, you are an inspiration to so many! My daughter Nikki recently went through chemo for breast cancer and she experienced many of the same problems that you are describing. One of the things that helped her was a cocktail of “Plum Sweet” juice mixed with Miralax. I think we tried every suggestion that has been given here!
    As a mother of a daughter going through chemo, I know that your mother is experiencing every little ache, pain, side effect, and yes, even hemmoroids, with you. I can empathize with you both. I understand what your family is dealing with and I pray for your sweet family and for your continued healing.

  127. stacy says

    I feel your pain-literally. I had terrible hemorrhoids after the birth of my first son. They lasted so long I almost had to have surgery on them. I actually had to go to a specialist about them. Pretty embarrassing stuff I tell ya!

    I am sort of new to your blog and I must say, you inspire me. When I am having a rough day and think things are hard I have started thinking of you and your mantra! I find myself saying “Choose Joy!”. ThanK you!

  128. Shannon says

    OMG Ashley! Not only can I relate to this post because I had HORRIBLE h-word when I was pregnant with my daughter. I’m sure bedrest at 13 weeks was a huge contributing factor. lol. It would get so bad I couldn’t even sit and it would hurt just laying there, I sure hope you don’t have them that bad!
    Just gotta tell ya that at the top of your blog there is an add for some FIBER supplement! lmao. That takes the cake!

    • Shannon says

      HA! I clearly lost my train of thought there…don’t remember what I where I was going with that…lol

  129. Morgan says

    Hey Ashley, I’m not sure if you can take Magnesium but I take 1 or 2 400mg capsules before bed and it REALLY helps!! Love the Smooth Move tea too!! Anyways, just wanted to share!

  130. Jillian WIlliams says

    oh that brings back some painful memories for me as well, I would sometimes spend hours on the toilet thinking I could go, I even went as far as drinking that magnesium citrate, which by the way tastes like liquid sour patch kids…sour but nasty!! but I finally learned like 3 days before to start on miralax and activia yogurt to keep the pipes flowing. But it still would take me a day or 2. I can remember barely having enough energy christmas morning to open gifts with my kids and then went back to bed most of the day miserable cuz I couldn’t go!!:( Once it all comes out its like your energy comes back cuz all that sludge is just weighing you down,literally!!!:) Its great to hear stories and the fact you are documenting this difficult bump in the road, I only wish I had been more diligent about keeping all my experiences written down, not that I always want to remember some of them, but to later realize what you are capable of enduring!! here’s to hoping you poop soon and get some relief and can enjoy your daughters party!!
    <3 prayers always!!:)

  131. Jennifer says

    Someone already mentioned this but, MAGNESIUM really, really helps and is awesome for your body with many benefits. Also, Dr. Rx for RECTAL ROCKETS. They are inserted at bedtime and by morning you are feeling way better. I have had bouts of H’s from giving birth so I feel your pain and it is wise of you to share because look at all the wonderful information that is passed on to you. I read your blog daily and look forward to it. It is very inspiring to read your take on the unpleasant experiences and it makes me pray for you each and every night. Wishing you sucess in the bathroom.


  1. […] a good post title. Dr. Y has referred me to a gastro-something doctor. I can’t even spell it. Remember the h-word post? The one where I talk about my fear of dying on the toilet? I think it’s a little more serious […]