Photo of the Day: Crazy Chicken

I don’t know where my day went! I woke up in a panic because I decided to have a little birthday party for Boo this weekend but then completely forgot that I had chemo scheduled for Thursday and Friday. I think it might be useful for me to start using a calendar at some point in my life. I definitely overdid it a tad yesterday because I felt super nauseous all morning…but that was soon fixed by a 10am emergency trip to El Pollo Loco. I don’t know why it works, but it does.


I ran as many errands as I could today and then the school called that Boo had a fever so I went and picked her up. She napped on the couch while I did some spray painting outside. This evening she was eating chicken noodle soup and she smiled this angelic smile at Mr. LBB and said “this is great soup, Daddy.”

I think I’ll go to El Pollo Loco tomorrow morning at 10am too.  And my body will magically transform a $1.35 burrito into super blogging energy. And I’ll probably overdo it again. Story of my life. But I like to live it up 😉


Photos of the Day: CHA

Today was a long day for me! But a fun one! I’m super tired but just wanted to check in real quick before I head to bed. I’ll write a longer post tomorrow! Lisa picked me up at 7:00am this morning and we drove to Anaheim, CA for the Craft and Hobby Association Conference: asked me to be a part of their “celebrity lounge” to meet and greet with conference attendees. It was a lot of fun and I met so many new friends! I was surprised that anyone even knew who I was since I have no hair now!



Lisa and I in the glitter photo booth:



We left the conference early to visit my dear friend Elaine at Hoag Memorial Hospital which was only about 10 miles away from the conference. It made my day to be able to spend a few minutes with her and her family before we drove back home this evening.

Thank you Lisa for being my chaperone and chauffer! I couldn’t have done it without you!

Sweet dreams everyone!


Let Go, Let God

We made it to church 2 weeks in a row.  I was determined to go today to pray especially for my friend Staci and her mother Elaine and their family. Elaine collapsed this past weekend from a stroke and while they were doing scans they found a lesion on her lung and several on her lymph nodes that they believe to be cancerous. Let me just tell you a little about this family: The night my surgery went sideways, Ben showed up almost immediately at the hospital, no hesitation. Staci follows up almost every day on my progress. Elaine has brought over my favorite drinks, antioxidant soup, and “smooth move” tea….anything she could do to make my day easier the last few weeks.  Elaine’s husband Fred showed up on my doorstep to help contact any cancer center I wanted to get in to.  Staci and her husband Ben were the first ones to make the Choose Joy bracelets for us……they started the whole thing. They would never want me to give credit though. Well, guess what Ben and Staci: you are now responsible for over 10,000 Choose Joy bracelets floating around to date :)  and 4,000 more that have yet to be shipped out.  Yesterday, Elaine told Staci to make sure I knew that she was wearing her Choose Joy bracelet in the hospital. I couldn’t help but cry. Today….Elaine is MY inspiration. I know Elaine will heal and be stronger than ever: Elaine, I KNOW you will! And soon I’ll bring YOU things to help you heal and help YOU to get stronger!

Today’s sermon at church was on Psalm 46: God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.

Don’t judge….but I’m a reality TV junkie…..and all I could think about in church during the sermon was last week’s Jersey Shore episode where Vinny gets a new tattoo:


His roommates have no idea what the meaning is: Let Go, Let God…..huh, what? I know, I know….I’m using Jersey Shore to make a point…..but the tattoo is exactly what Psalm 46 says: Be still, and know that I am God. Be still… other words, “let go” and let God handle it. I learn more and more everyday that most things are out of my control….and I have to let God fill in: whether it’s healing, faith, guidance, and especially acceptance.  So how do I choose joy in situations where most people would think there isn’t an ounce of joy to be found?  I just let go……and have faith. It doesn’t mean that I don’t cry, or that I’m not sad, or disappointed when things happen…..but I can choose not to be bitter or angry.  There’s a huge difference. It’s hard to put into words… I hope that makes sense.


After church we went to lunch at our favorite lunch place and I watched as Boo inched precariously closer and closer to falling into the fountain. She was on a mission to save a “rock” which I swore was either going to turn out to be dog poop or tree bark….but it did actually turn out to be a rock. A floating pumice rock.


We met Diesel’s future girlfriend. The only dog I’ve ever met that was smaller than his 2.5 lb frame. Meet Lulu. She was rescued by a sweet lady and brought back to health and adorable cuteness:



Here’s my craft fail of the day: Boo wants a donut party….so I decided to make some huge inflatable donuts….unfortunately the spray paint reacted badly to the plastic and now it’s kind of a gooey mess:



Watching Armageddon this afternoon….Mr. LBB says that I remind him of Steve Buscemi. Yes, the goofy, creepy guy. I hope it’s just the sarcastic humor.

Have a wonderful Sunday.



A Lecture from Dr. Mom

So…I was SO wiped out the last few days that I forgot to even mention that my HCG numbers had come down! They were 37, then 78, then 78, then NINE, then EIGHT……slow progress! Thank you God! I’ve become a little reluctant to share numbers right away because I don’t want it to be a roller coaster for everyone…..they’ve come down then gone up, then plateaued, then come down again…..yet the CT scans show tumor growth… I kind of take it all as a big picture.

I feel like a new person this morning. Mr. LBB got to sleep in since Boo slept over at her grandparents. He got up early and made fresh juice and brought it to me in bed:


My mom sent me this email last night…..I know she wouldn’t mind if I shared it. She reads so much on nutrition and then filters me the important info! I hope it will help some of you!

Dearest Ash,

I wish you would turn off your phone when you sleep. So sorry I awakened you. I am praying for this chemo to work. I was thinking how your numbers coming down this past week and I truly think that all the water, juicing and high water content food are detoxifying you and allowing your immunity system to repair and heal!!

1. Be sure to take your Vitamin D each day to detox and repair your blood vessels and organs.  I have heard more and more women in chemo be told by their doctors to take it. We all should take it especially if we aren’t in the sun each day for 15 min.

2. I was reading an old book, Fit for Life, that I read when you were a toddler and I took you all off milk and your ear infections stopped immediately. The book goes right along with The China Study that we need only about an ounce of meat each day and the rest high water content food in veggies and fruit. Dr. Norman Walker lived to be 109 and said health is in the colon. High water content food washes out the colon, blood, gives vital nutrients that acidic animal protein cannot give because it is dead food which putrefies in the colon.

3. We have three distinct phases each day…..4am to noon is the elimination time when we are pooping and should eat lots of fruit. Noon to 8pm us the appropriation phase where we eat….but combine foods in a way that they eliminate easily without poisoning the body. Veggies and animal proteins together. Starches and veggies, but never all three together of the food putrefies. Fruit should be eaten only by itself within 2-3 hours of meals so it can cleanse the intestines and colon. If we do this, we will cleanse our bodies continually.

4. Mixing fruit and other foods causes the alkaline and acid to not digest well and it rots and takes a lot of energy to digest. We become tired after we eat because we are mixing foods that take a major amount of energy and digestive enzymes to breakdown. 8pm to 4 am is assimilation where our foods are utilized. So, if we eat late, with lots of heavy foods we are setting ourselves up for disease. We keep our weight at the right spot, stay cleansed and disease free.

This ends another lecture from Dr. MOM.

Lord, please keep all of your organs safe and only kill the tumors, in Jesus name.  God send Your word and heal Ashley from the top of her head to the tip of her toes. Touch her with your healing power and restore her to total health!!  God loves you more than we can ever comprehend.  We are praying fervently…the fervent prayer of God’s children availeth much.   I love you, Brett and Sienna eternally, Mom

Little Boob Loo

I woke up at 7:00am after almost a full night’s sleep! And then realized I’d been “chemo facebooking”:

Apparently, I also like to speak in a British accent when I’m full of strong drugs. That gave Mr. LBB some entertainment last night as I attempted to talk to him in my delirium. I slept ALL day today.  I woke up every once in a while to drink a bunch of water and to try to eat something and then it would wipe me out again for a few hours. But I’m feeling okay! Just really tired. My past chemotherapy seems like a breeze now! My in-laws are having Boo over for a sleepover tonight so Mr. LBB will have a break tonight.  She’s so excited.

My heart is heavy tonight for some dear friends with a family member in the hospital. They’ve been so helpful to me and all I want to do is be there for them right now. Just keep them in your prayers tonight please. Thank you!


First In, Last Out

I didn’t sleep that well last night…..I think I was antsy for today. So I found myself eating pistachios on the couch at 3:00am and watching Superman.  I think I fell asleep finally around 4:00am. at Mr. LBB finally woke me up at 7:30am to start getting ready.


I was the first person in the doctor’s office today. Mr. LBB and I met with Dr. L about side effects and what to expect from the new chemotherapy regimen. He just kept stressing how hard this was going to be on my kidneys…….and overly hydrating was going to be really important.  EMA-EP is the treatment we ended up settling on. Today was the E & P portion. Cisplatin and VP-16. The EMA is next Thursday and Friday. Those are some BIG bags waiting on the IV stand:


Of course I met a lot of interesting people. I was talking with a guy who has to be fed through a feeding tube and he said he imagines a big ham sub going through the tube. I told him he needed scratch and sniff stickers to help….I’d look for a ham sub sticker. I don’t think he was too excited. Then I felt bad eating my lunch in front of him. There was an elderly man there that looked just like my Paw-Paw. It made me a little teary. He looked so frail and tired.

All of the sudden this afternoon, the entire room was asleep it seemed….except for me of course!  I started feeling weaker and uncomfortable as the day went on. And full. And lots of heart palpitations.



They weren’t able to start my big Cisplatin drip until about 12:30pm because I had to get so many fluids beforehand as well as the nausea medication drips. The Cisplatin drip was 5 hours because it had to drip with an identical bag of fluids for hydration to make sure my kidneys would be flushed out.  I also try to drink a ton of water SO I made 4,291 trips to the bathroom. It got to the point that I wouldn’t even have opened the bathroom door  to exit before I had to pee AGAIN! I wore a hole in the linoleum I think:





I wrote the beginning of this post while I was still at the doctor’s office. Now we are home and I’m not feeling so hot….so bear with me if this post is all over the place. I’m writing it in small increments at a time. My poor heart feels like it’s on overdrive.

Mr. LBB picked Sienna up from school and picked me up from the doctor. I was the last patient there. First one in this morning…..and last one out. THAT is a long day. I was getting a little competitive with the last man there to see who would leave first. His drip finished before me and he said he felt bad leaving me by myself. Aw. I told him they needed to upgrade the place to lounge chairs by the pool and cocktails and I’d be set.

Now I’m in bed…..I was so hungry I ate in bed….one small fork at a time….just laying on my side so it would stay down. My legs ache. I feel really crampy. And just too weak to get up. Boo was on the bed talking to me and it took several minutes for it to even register that she was talking to me. Mr. LBB brought my laptop to me so I could write all this down. He’s now trying to find my Zofran so I can keep my dinner down too.  Dinner was really good…..I’d LIKE to keep it! They gave me a diuretic shot right before I left the doctor… I have to pee every 5 minutes still…..and I’m supposed to keep hydrating so my kidney’s are okay. If we lived more that 5 miles from the doctor’s office I would have to pee on the side of the road. This was a POWERFUL diuretic. So now Dr. L scared me into staying hydrated for the sake of my kidneys. It’s really not that bad though……I don’t have to do anything……I’ll just lay here and drift in and out of sleep and drink as much water as I can. I’d really love a shower….but I don’t have the energy. Who wants to volunteer to give me a sponge bath?!

It’s all good though. Dr. L said we are now “Rambo”-ing my body to try and kill this cancer. From now on, I’ll have no rest at all between chemotherapy until my body just can’t take it anymore and he’s forced to give me some time off. Works for me! Rambo the crap out me…..just kill this cancer.

Goodnight everyone! Much love to you. I’ll reread this tomorrow in case I need to fix anything. Just be glad you are reading this online….I kind of smell like fried bologna.


Photo of the Day: Leeloo

I feel like Leeloo from The Fifth Element….except her hair was orange. But I’m Lil Blue Boo…..not Lil Orange Boo. And you aren’t going to find me wearing that little bandage costume Milla Jovavich wore in the movie.

I went to lunch with two of the nicest women today: Debbie and Stacy… discuss a project they are working on around cancer. Debbie brought me this awesome blue wig. I’m digging it. It might be the only wig I’ll ever have.



Now off to defend the earth from impending attack from Zorg and the Mangalores….

Busy Day

Oh my, I am EXHAUSTED!   Mr. LBB and I took Boo to school this morning and headed immediately to L.A.  for an appointment. It takes about 2.5 hours to get there from the desert. It’s hard to ride in the car for that long right now…..but I look forward to our long car rides because we get to talk!

Me: Oh my gosh! Doesn’t that parking sign look like a giant donut???!
Mr. LBB: Please don’t distract me while I’m trying to navigate this traffic.

The trip worked out well because I desperately needed to pick up the rest of the fabric for the spring line. It was only about 12 miles out of the way. You can’t get better than that for killing two birds with one stone. The fabric filled the Prius to the brim! Mr. LBB didn’t want his picture taken while driving 70 miles an hour… it looks like I have a phantom driver… go with my phantom hair. I also look like 1. I have a fake arm or 2. someone stuck my gigantic head onto a fake body…….so I had to share this pic:



I really don’t think it could have been a more hectic day. While in L.A., the school called and said that Boo had a stomach ache. Thank goodness we put a few people on call today for Boo emergencies! Lisa was working at the house and went and picked her up. Turns out it was just constipation. Mr. LBB was on the phone all day with vehicle issues at his work.

My Choose Joy bracelets came and they messed up the whole order and didn’t want to fix it… fact they wanted me to pay extra for their mistake.  I REALLY wanted to tell them to go “f” themselves haha……and how ironic that my blood pressure went through the roof over “Choose Joy” bracelets.  I had to take a few deep breaths today and remind myself of my own mantra.  Anyways, if you’ve ordered Choose Joy bracelets… will be a little longer. I’m so sorry. If I could make them myself I would. Mr. LBB says I never get worked up except when I’m trying to “right a wrong” on principle…..and then I can turn into a crazed lunatic on a mission.  P.S. I finally DID tell the company to go “f” themselves**….JOYFULLY I might add…..and it made me feel AWESOME.

**Disclaimer: (especially for my mother) I never say the actual “f” word…..but I do say “eff”……it’s still kind of a bad word….but it doesn’t sound as bad. So when I write “f” I’m really saying “eff” not “f@#$” because I supremely dislike how bad the real “f” word sounds. How’s that for an explanation.

So, Boo’s been taking it hard recently that she doesn’t have a sibling. I only bring it up because Mr. LBB and I talked about it in the car. She brings it up a lot at night when we are watching a movie or show where there’s a large family:

Boo: I REALLY want a brother or sister! You guys are taking forever!
Me: You will one day… just isn’t the right time. Mommy has to get better first.
Boo: But I really wanted you to have a baby out of your tummy!

I’m sure it will be a while before she gets it.  After my surgery we talked about adoption. But now that’s out of the picture: it’s not the right time and no agency would even consider us until I’m in full remission. For now I gave her a mannequin….where do I pick up my “mom of the year” award? Kind of morbid…..but Boo has a wild imagination and she doesn’t even care that her “pretend” sibling is missing a very crucial body part:


Countdown two days until my new chemo….bring it on, seriously! I limped into the house from our car ride.  Something needs to shrink this stuff in my pelvis and pronto before I decide to do surgery on myself!

Hope you all had a good day! I’m so excited to be home…..and my friend Seena brought over some yummy Indian food…..can’t wait to curl up in bed with Boo and watch 40% of the movie 2012 (since I have to censor 60% of the scary movie).

Thrift Store Find: Shabby Chic

Holla!  I found the most amazing dresser at the thrift store to hold all the office supplies in the LBB office.  It was only $170….I would have spent more at Ikea for storage for all my junk! Mr. LBB thought it was too expensive at first, but he came around when I negotiated “we’ll refinish it and sell it for more one day.”  Here I am giving it a big hug:



I’d been checking the thrift stores weekly…..never finding what I really wanted or needed. THEN I walked in last weekend and this dresser was just sitting there waiting for me! It had already been re-painted the perfect color too.  Another lady was eyeing it too and I did a horrible thing…..I swooped in like a falcon predator and tore off the “tear here and take to cashier to check out” stub and took off running.

I’d show you the rest of the office right now but you might report me to show Hoarders.