Mr. LBB: Are your boobs getting bigger?
Me: Just one.
Today I was convinced that I had breast cancer and face cancer. Dr. Y said I definitely don’t have face cancer….I just need to moisturize a little more. She said I probably don’t have breast cancer but just because of my history we should make sure. She did a breast exam and when she found the lump her eyes went wide…..so basically her face said “BREAST CANCER” and her mouth said “oh it’s probably just tissue”….and then she drew a big TUMOR LOOKING THING on the order form:
But looking closer at it I realized it was just a turtle.
Turtles are harmless. Unless they are snapping turtles….or worse: alligator snapping turtles:
But according to wikipedia no human deaths have been linked to an alligator snapping turtle.
So next week I get to go for my first mammogram and my gazillionth ultrasound!
And by my mathematical deduction:
If lump = turtle, and alligator snapping turtle = no human deaths, then I’ll be fine.
Logical to me.